Sunday, January 8, 2012

One of Those Days

Thursday was one of those days. I apologize for boring you or sounding like I am complaining but I want to write about my day. Because bad days make us appreciate the good ones even more. And because someday I think I will laugh about it.

My day started at 4 am when Coen woke up crying. He has not woken up at night for weeks, so we were surprised. Trevor tried to put him back to sleep without me feeding him, but didn't work. I didn't want to feed him too much and mess with the routine but at the same time I just wanted to go back to sleep ASAP. So I fed him and then of course he pooped and it went all up the back of his diaper and got all over his pajamas. So there I was at 4 am, spraying Dreft and cleaning poop stains out of pajamas. I should have known how the day would go.

By the time I was done, it was 5, which is when I get up anyway. I sat on the edge of my bed, looking at the clock, knowing I could not go back to sleep, but knowing if I laid down I would fall right back asleep.  I knew it would be a long day.

Trevor got Sierra up at about 6:45.  She wasn't happy and was crying while he got her ready. I was downstairs feeding Coen but I could hear her crying. I hate that, it makes me feel so guilty that I can't run to her.  Like that would magically make her stop crying - but still.  I was always the one who got her up and ready last year.  It makes me want to cry to hear her cry.  She was fine by the time I dropped her off though, thankfully.

I am still getting into the groove at work, but I still feel so unorganized.  I never get to use my preps to prepare for students or do the paperwork I hate so much - I have either had meetings or use my prep to pump.  I've got to figure something else out, because it is majorly stressing me out to not be organized and to not be doing the best job I feel I can and should do.

The one good part of my day was when somehow the topic of siblings came up and this one student corrected me and said that she has two sisters but one died.  I knew this, but the fact that she always comes right out and says it has a whole different meaning to me now.  Then she told me how her sister would be 12 and they still sing happy birthday to her every year.

By the end of the day, it was piling up.  Then my last student of the day literally yelled at me the entire 30 minute session.  "I don't want to!"  "I don't get it!"  Oh my.  This student is in Kindergarten, mind you.  His speech is really bad, but how can I help him when I get this kind of reaction every time I try to?  Wow.  The entire school heard it and at one point the principal even came in to help.  It worked, for a few minutes anyway.  I feel bad for the kid, actually.

After this, I wanted to sit on the floor and cry I was so frustrated.  I needed to get more work done, but I also needed to get home to feed Coen and be with my own kids.  Of course my kids won and I left instead of getting more work done, but I was stressed about it.

I got home to a huge pile of cat puke in the family room.  Nice.  I hurried up and let the dog out before rushing over to pick up the kids.  Coen had pooped through two outfits, one even went through to his snowsuit!  More work for me.  The baby-sitter forgot to put a pull up on Sierra during naptime and so of course this would be the day she peed everywhere while napping. I found it a little bit funny, but it was more laundry for me.

As soon as I walked in, Sierra started with "I don't want to leave.  I'm still playing."  This time nothing helped and she would not listen.  I tried putting her boots on and she kicked them off.  She was just screaming and wouldn't stand up at all.  I didn't know what to do, so I put her coat on, picked up her boots, and carried her across the street.  There was no way I could carry all 30 pounds of her, plus the car seat with Coen in it, and their bags.  And Sierra's doll Rosie, too.  So I plopped her in the front door and ran back over to get Coen.  When I got back home she was still sitting right by the front door.  After about 10 minutes, she cheered up and cooperated.  I got the cat puke cleaned up too.  Always good to do that before Trevor sees it, because one of these days he is going to find a new home for our cat if she keeps it up.

Trevor was in his month end closing this week so wasn't getting home until 8.  Of course he was rightfully in a rotten mood all week on top of it all.  Thankfully he got home sooner that night and things turned around. Except when he found cat puke on our bed - yuck.

Luckily Friday went much better on all accounts! The kids at work were good and Sierra came home willingly.  She didn't even give me a hard time about getting ready for dance class!  We got to see her costume for the recital and it is so cute - purple and frilly and comes with a teddy bear wearing the same outfit.  How perfect!

By Friday night, my house looked like a bomb went off on it.  Dishes in the sink, papers and mail all over the kitchen table, toys everywhere, shoes and boots and bookbags and diaper bags piled by the front door.  Instead of worrying about it, I laid on the couch after the kids went to bed and watched Grey's Anatomy.  This episode really got to me.  When they showed Teddy in the morgue with Henry's body, it instantly took me back to seeing Adelyn the day after she died.  That is not a good memory, and I found myself crying for the first time in awhile.  It made me miss her so much.

Like so many Meredith Grey quotes, this one spoke to me - "You can't prepare for a sudden impact.  You can't brace yourself.  It just hits you out of nowhere.  And suddenly, the life you knew before is over.  Forever."

How true is that?  Seeing that scene where Teddy looks at her dead husband's body, was like a sudden impact to me.  It brought the pain back.  Just like losing Adelyn was a sudden impact, a VERY sudden impact.  And the life we knew before that moment IS over, forever.


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