It's hard to believe it's been 5 years since I became a mommy. Things have changed so much since the day Sierra was born. We've been through a lot. I am defintely not the same innocent, naive mommy I was when I was pregnant with her and during her delivery and even during the first 2.5 years of her life.
But, I'm glad I got to experience that pure, unmasked joy of pregnancy, labor, and delivery. Those who lose their first child never get to have that. It's precious, being able to enjoy all those things without the worry of something happening like with Coen, or something really happening like with Adelyn. I mean, I am sure many pregnant women worry a bit about something going wrong, but I don't think they really think it could happen to them like those of us who have had it happen.
Turning five is a big deal. Sierra is officially registered for Kindergarten -yikes. I'm not sure I am ready to entrust her to complete strangers. I mean, I should trust them because I do work for the same school district as she will attend, so I know we have great teachers. It's just not the same as having your neighbor, who knows your story, and has known your child since she was a baby, be the one taking care of your child. It's letting go, a lot. I'm not ready to let go, and I'm not ready for her to grow up. And I'm really not ready for the attitude that my friends have all warned me comes after going to school. I think she has enough of one already.
I still get e-mails from Babycenter, and even to this date read them because they are usually helpful. Just yesterday I got one and it is now from "your big kid this week." The first line of the e-mail says "welcome to the big kid years." MY kid, a big kid? How can it be? She's still that big eyed baby they put in my arms 5 years ago.....isn't she?
Sierra had a pretty good birthday. On her actual birthday, she got to wear her new Tinkerbell tutu dress and take cupcakes to her friends.
We went to Red Robin for dinner at her request and she picked out a huge piece of ice cream cake for us all to share. She opened her presents from us when we got home.
We had a roller skating party the following Sunday, and everyone had fun. It was hectic, but something seemed a bit off with the workers. First, there were TONS of people working. Later one of them told my mom that the owner's daughter had passed away suddenly the night before. I didn't know details, like how old she was (later I found out she was maybe 40), but it distracted me. All I could think of was their pain, what they must be feeling, and plus it was a rainy day so that didn't help. Figures something like that would happen at our party, of all people. I guess friends were gathering there to support her, she of course had to carry on with scheduled events at her business the day after her daughter died. That is strength......
I have been experimenting with subway art lately, so I made this one for Sierra's 5th birthday. It captures her at this age so well!
Happy Birthday to my biggest. Now stop growing up on me, 5 is an amazing age!