Monday, October 22, 2012

Capture Your Grief Days 21 and 22

Day 21. Altar/Shrine/Sacred Space - I have two places in my house for her. The first is a shelf on our bookcases in our family room, where we spend most of our time:

There is a collage made by my friend Erin of Hope Mommies, even though I missed the first retreat.  There is a picture of Sierra and Adelyn bear wearing their matching shirts, taken right before Adelyn's first birthday - I kind of feel like I need to update it with a picture that has Coen in it too, yet I can't bear to take that one down.  Also is the Willow Tree figure, she is holding a balloon that says "hope" - very perfect for Adelyn.  The tag it comes with says "hope lifts us up."  Love it!  Then there is her candle I made her and a butterfly on a rock that says hope.

This is in our bedroom, where we keep her ashes.  You can see the urn in the back, it is black so it sort of blends in.  I have always kept this candle here, it was made by a friend who lost her daughter two weeks after Adelyn at the same hospital.  She gave it to me around Adelyn's first birthday, and it is very treasured.  The hope rock I found at Michael's and it just reminded me of her.  I just recently added her sketch and the wooden roses were made by my cousin.   I think this is a perfect place for them!

Day 22. Place of Care/Birth - For the longest time, just seeing the logo for St. Clair Hospital would make my heart pound and my palms sweat. 

Room 5801 was where Adelyn was born.  I was so nervous about being near that room when I had Coen, thankfully they had me as far away from it as possible.  I did see it, when I was walking around waiting to leave.  My heart skipped a beat, I wanted to look closer because no one was in it, but I couldn't.  My friend who lost her baby at the same hospital two weeks after me (the one I just wrote about that made the candle for me) - she was also in this room.  Someday I wish we could purchase a plaque to hang in that room, in memory of our babies.  But I wonder if that would be weird to put in a happy place?

I have no clue how I managed to have another baby at that same hospital, I can honestly say Dr. P, my ob, is the only reason! I wish I had a photo of her after she delivered Coen, I guess I was too busy soaking him in.  St. Clair Hospital, such a bittersweet place for me.


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