Thursday, October 11, 2012

Capture Your Grief Day 11

Day 11. Supportive Friends/Family

There are many people who were there for me immediately after Adelyn died.  Some of them are still there, some seemed to have stopped after her first birthday.  Not to say they don't remember or still think of her, but if they do, they never show it or let me know.

First there are my two "cousins-in-law" who I have had many text-a-thons with over the last 2 years.  I am very thankful for them, because I can be completely honest with them and they don't judge me and usually make me feel better.

I also have 3 friends who I work with, all at the same building, who I can talk to about Adelyn and who ask about her and listen whenever I feel like venting.  Interestingly, one of them I met after Adelyn died - for some reason I just clicked with her and was able to talk to her about Adelyn easily. She had a miscarriage a few months after Coen was born so maybe that is how it came up, but still, I'm thankful for her.  The other two I believe I became closer to after Adelyn died.  One of them I have also had long "therapeutic" text sessions with, the other just seems to know when something and why something may bother me.  She is the one I wrote about who came to visit me after Coen was born and brought 3 Christmas ornaments to me, one for each of my kids.  And more recently made me a ribbon for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day to hang on my front door.  One day we must have talked for close to two hours on the phone, and I think we both left the conversation feeling like we had helped each other.

There are also two neighbors of mine who will often bring up Adelyn to me.  I don't regularly have conversations about her with them, because when I see them it's just not the time to chat about something like that, but nonetheless I know they think about her a lot and are there.  If I did want to talk about her, I know I could to them.

And last but certainly not least, is a friend who I met through my kids.  She is kind, considerate, and has listened to me ramble both in person and through text many times the past 2 years.  I'm not sure of the reason, but she  really reached out to me after Adelyn died, and continues to do so two years later, when so many others have stopped.  I grabbed on to her when she reached out, and I'm really glad I did.  If everyone in my life was more like her, I would honestly not have such a tough time with a lot of issues.

Though technically not a friend or family member, I have to mention my ob here.  She played a vital part in my healing, and went above and beyond what I expected.  She would call to check on me in those first few weeks after Adelyn died, during the time she knew Sierra was napping and I could talk.  Sometimes she would spend an hour just asking questions and listening and that was exactly what I needed.  There was a different bond with her, because she was there when Adelyn was born.  She experienced it too.  I remember her calling to check on me a few days after I found out I was pregnant with Coen - I swear it was like she always knew when I needed her to call!  She was able to bring me through a difficult pregnancy after loss, was able to deliver Coen.  When we told her Coen's middle name she knew why we picked it.  I really regret that I didn't get a picture of her with Coen!  She sent us a nice card on Adelyn's first birthday, which was very sweet.  Just yesterday, we got another card from her letting us know she was thinking about us on Adelyn's second birthday, and sort of fitting that it arrived on Coen's birthday.  I'm very thankful for her, and I will honestly never forget all that she has done for me throughout this journey.  I think that we share a special bond, I can't explain it but it's there.

My "Adelyn" friends.....thank God for them!


KrystalK said...

It is great you have that wonderful support system!!!

Post a Comment