Friday, September 9, 2011

My Daughter's Eyes

I must admit, today is not the best day for me. So I find it odd that I am typing a somewhat happy post.

I woke up feeling sad and sorry for myself. Angry that I am dealing with exactly what I did NOT want to be dealing with in terms of this pregnancy. Wishing things were different. Even though I know it could be SO much worse.

I had a doctor appointment this morning, just for my weekly nonstress test. I swear if I never see the inside of that office again, I wouldn't mind. I feel like I live there lately. It's still hard at times to be there.

My neighbor offered to watch Sierra so I could go to my appointment. I gave it a lot of thought, and decided that while Sierra would have much more fun playing with her kids, I needed her with me. It's strange, right? Sometimes I feel like I need her more than she needs me. I honestly do not know where I would be without her. If it wasn't for her little face this morning, I think I would still be in bed, crying, anxious, wallowing in self pity. But because of her, I had to get up and get moving.

I can't even explain how much I love it when people say how adorable she is. They have no idea how much it brightens my day. I guess partly because I never got to "show off" Adelyn. Sometimes because it distracts me, especially when I am sitting in the waiting room with a bunch of naive, happy pregnant women. She gives me something else to focus on. For that, I will forever be grateful.

I came across this song awhile back, and while it brings tears to my eyes every single time, today it just sums up how I feel about my little girl. I love you Sierra. I can never thank God enough for giving you to me. And I hope someday you will know just how much you have given back to your mommy already. Sometimes people talk about how much work kids are and how much they give and give to them. I already feel like my kid has given me way more than I could ever give her - and she's only 3.


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