Looking ahead are some MAJOR anniversary dates in the next few days and weeks. Praying the strength stays with me. After a very emotional week or so, I've been very at peace. My only problem is that I want to buy all these things for Adelyn "before her first birthday" and definitely before the new baby is here.
What could I possibly want to buy for my child in Heaven, you ask? I made a garden for her of all pink flowers - in fact I took some pictures to post - but not tonight because I am too tired. It is really blooming - just for her birthday I think. I really wanted to get a personalized stepping stone to put in it. Problem is, the one I really want has a butterfly out of stained glass and it's like $100. Not such a good idea when I am about to get my last paycheck until December. Hubby got me a Pandora bracelet for Christmas with both Sierra and Adelyn's birthstones, but I really wanted to get the "Angel of Hope" charm also because anything having to do with hope reminds me of the hope I have to see her in Heaven again. And, even though I don't think she is really an angel, I do think she watches over all of us like a "guardian angel."
Then I saw these fake pumpkins at Michaels with words carved in them and I thought it would be cool to have one with each of my kids' names on them. Then I looked at the price tag- maybe not!
Another thing I have been thinking about is getting a sketch done. I really don't like any of the pictures I have. Then some days I want everyone to see what she looked like but at the same time I feel like the pictures should be somewhat private. So I thought maybe showing a sketch of her would be perfect. There are two places I found that sketch babies who have died - one only charges $25, the other one is way more expensive but maybe could be more detailed? I can't decide on this, and again, more money - so I just haven't done anything about it yet. I guess it's one of those things I don't HAVE to do now. But I guess I'm worried that once I have a new, living baby to take pictures of, no one will care or want to see a sketch of Adelyn. Crazy mind of mine....
I could go on and on about things I see that I want for her/in her memory. Truth is, I think that buying things to remember her makes me feel better. Like I guess I am worried that people are going to forget her. And I feel guilty about having another baby already - like I am betraying her. I just need to keep telling myself that she knows how much I love her and that is all that matters.
This is one thing I could NOT resist buying - I saw it and fell in love.
3 comments:
It really is hard. It seems to get harder every year on what to get your angel child for birthday/angel days. At Michaels they have a kit where you can make your own personal stepping stone for a garden. Maybe you can do something like that?
I had a sketch done and paid a lot of money and then didn't like it :( I keep thinking I should find someone new to do a sketch for me.
I too worry that people will forget my angel but I want you to know I personally won't ever forget Adelyn <3
I went looking for a link for you. Maybe you can get something like this in memory of Adelyn
http://www.mourninglights.com/index.html
I'm very careful with my money but there are some things I would make exceptions for, something to remember Charlotte on her birthday would be one of them. My rationalization is this -- if she was alive, we would have spent a ton more money on raising her. If buying the sketch or the pumpkins makes you feel good, then do it. ((hugs))
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