Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Ironic

Isn't it ironic? That last year on this date, September 13th, I found out that Adelyn was breech. One year later, on September 13th, I found out that little rainbow baby is NOT breech anymore. I am pretty sure it happened last night too. Praying that it stays that way.

Looking ahead are some MAJOR anniversary dates in the next few days and weeks. Praying the strength stays with me. After a very emotional week or so, I've been very at peace. My only problem is that I want to buy all these things for Adelyn "before her first birthday" and definitely before the new baby is here.

What could I possibly want to buy for my child in Heaven, you ask? I made a garden for her of all pink flowers - in fact I took some pictures to post - but not tonight because I am too tired. It is really blooming - just for her birthday I think. I really wanted to get a personalized stepping stone to put in it. Problem is, the one I really want has a butterfly out of stained glass and it's like $100. Not such a good idea when I am about to get my last paycheck until December. Hubby got me a Pandora bracelet for Christmas with both Sierra and Adelyn's birthstones, but I really wanted to get the "Angel of Hope" charm also because anything having to do with hope reminds me of the hope I have to see her in Heaven again. And, even though I don't think she is really an angel, I do think she watches over all of us like a "guardian angel."

Then I saw these fake pumpkins at Michaels with words carved in them and I thought it would be cool to have one with each of my kids' names on them. Then I looked at the price tag- maybe not!

Another thing I have been thinking about is getting a sketch done. I really don't like any of the pictures I have. Then some days I want everyone to see what she looked like but at the same time I feel like the pictures should be somewhat private. So I thought maybe showing a sketch of her would be perfect. There are two places I found that sketch babies who have died - one only charges $25, the other one is way more expensive but maybe could be more detailed? I can't decide on this, and again, more money - so I just haven't done anything about it yet. I guess it's one of those things I don't HAVE to do now. But I guess I'm worried that once I have a new, living baby to take pictures of, no one will care or want to see a sketch of Adelyn. Crazy mind of mine....

I could go on and on about things I see that I want for her/in her memory. Truth is, I think that buying things to remember her makes me feel better. Like I guess I am worried that people are going to forget her. And I feel guilty about having another baby already - like I am betraying her. I just need to keep telling myself that she knows how much I love her and that is all that matters.

This is one thing I could NOT resist buying - I saw it and fell in love.

3 comments:

KnottedFingers said...

It really is hard. It seems to get harder every year on what to get your angel child for birthday/angel days. At Michaels they have a kit where you can make your own personal stepping stone for a garden. Maybe you can do something like that?

I had a sketch done and paid a lot of money and then didn't like it :( I keep thinking I should find someone new to do a sketch for me.

I too worry that people will forget my angel but I want you to know I personally won't ever forget Adelyn <3

KnottedFingers said...

I went looking for a link for you. Maybe you can get something like this in memory of Adelyn

http://www.mourninglights.com/index.html

lissasue3 said...

I'm very careful with my money but there are some things I would make exceptions for, something to remember Charlotte on her birthday would be one of them. My rationalization is this -- if she was alive, we would have spent a ton more money on raising her. If buying the sketch or the pumpkins makes you feel good, then do it. ((hugs))

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