Thursday, December 15, 2011


I have so much I would like to write about, but I'm SO tired.  One full week of work is almost under my belt.  We are all fighting a cold, well everyone but Sierra - she's just fighting with us.  I had been amazed at how well she had dealt with a new baby, but I guess it took awhile for it to sink in.  Poor kid has been through so much the last year or two.  She said she was excited to go back to the baby-sitter's house and play with her friends and kept asking when I was going back to work.  But maybe deep down she does miss me, after all it was the two of us doing everything together for 4 months straight and I was home with her for 6 months.  I didn't even take off that long when she was born.  Anyway, right now she can be unbearable and fights with us on almost everything and has gone back to peeing her pants.  Now I know she is doing it on purpose for attention, because she had been completely accident free for awhile before the past week or two.  I don't even know what to do, on top of everything else going on.   It's so hard.

Stress is running high in the household right now.  If we could bottle it up and sell it, we would be millionaires.  And then I wouldn't have to go back to work and a lot of that stress would be gone.  Working full time with a two month old is ridiculous.  There is so much prep work just to get out the door. And then when I get home I feel like all I do is get ready for the next day of work.  Feed Coen, do dishes, cook dinner, more dishes, pack lunches, get my clothes ready (which is an awful task right now, enough to make me cry as nothing fits right), give the kids a bath, feed Coen again, read Sierra 100 books and pray she stays in bed.  By this time I am ready to fall over, but I might squeeze in some computer or TV time.  Then I have to pump, wash the pump, and get to bed.  And hope Coen sleeps all night.  Last night we woke up at 4 and it threw off our perfect routine. 

What happens when I am stressed?  It makes me miss Adelyn more.  Somehow I wonder if she was here, if I would feel this stressed.  It was a lot to go through the past year, and as a result we just made it through.  We didn't do much fun or relax - we just survived.  And now we have a newborn and he takes up a lot of time.  But yet we really need a vacation or even a date night.  I just don't want to miss a moment because we didn't get the chance with Adelyn.  Babies are so precious.

I love having a newborn, but I hate working while having one.  It's almost too much that I don't even get to enjoy him.  I wish I had more time to take off.

TGIF tomorrow!!!!!!


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