Tuesday, December 6, 2011


I am feeling just a little bit overwhelmed this week.  Between Christmas, adjusting to two kids, my husband's ridiculously busy work schedule, and the dreaded back to work date for me nearing - it's a little stressful around here.  I can't seem to get anything done and I am home all day.  How in the world am I going to do it when working full time?

I feel like I have 100 half finished projects in this house.  There is stuff everywhere- papers, coupons, cards, TOYS!  It's driving me crazy.  I know I need to learn to live with it like that, it's only going to get worse.  Every time I get in the mood to finish one thing, I get interrupted and the mood passes.  The next time it will be something else I feel like finishing!

I haven't even written in Coen's baby book yet.  His outgrown newborn clothes are still in a pile in his room.  My dad designed and installed shelves in Sierra's extra closet and I haven't  had time to organize it yet (I love doing this kind of stuff).  There is a pile of maternity clothes on the floor in our room.  I need to go through them all - I'm done wearing them. There are a few nursing tops that are so convenient so I am still wearing them - but I'm so sick of the same 5 shirts that I think I am done with them too.   I need to give my neighbor back all the clothes of hers I have had for two years, especially since she is pregnant again now.

Then there is Christmas stuff.  I think our outside decorations are done - but inside there is stuff everywhere.  Our tree has been up since Saturday but with nothing on it.  I finally put some lights on it tonight, I don't care how it looks! Sierra seemed to like it.  The bins of Christmas decorations are stacked in the office room, since this year we cannot use the nursery as a storage room (which is perfectly fine with me, I'd much rather use it for a baby).

I started putting up Adelyn's tree, which shouldn't take long.  I also put up all our stockings - it felt so nice to put up a 4th one this year.  My mantle isn't done yet though.  I decided that I wanted to make a candle for Adelyn to put up there with all our stockings.  I just didn't feel right hanging a stocking for someone who died, but yet I want her to be included with the rest of us. So a candle seemed perfect - I can burn it along with the lights on the mantle.  I want everyone to know it is for her, so I want her name on it.  I bought a flameless candle from Michaels that is very sparkly but when I got it home, it doesn't work! And I bought letters to spell out Adelyn's name, but it is a mix of colors and it didn't have all the letters I needed in red to spell it. So both things need to go back, creating MORE work for me.  It is SUCH a pain to run errands with two kids, and by the time Trevor gets home I am too tired to do it.

I'm not done Christmas shopping.  I just don't even want to do it this year.  I love to shop, but not when I am rushed.  Then it is stressful. Trying to time shopping between Coen's feedings, lunch time, and Sierra's naps is almost impossible.  I get maybe 2 hours, so by the time I drive there, unload them and get in the store, maybe an hour and a half tops?  And during that time I am trying to keep Sierra from getting antsy and usually getting stopped by a few old ladies to ooh and ahh over Coen (that part is fine with me because I was so sad that I never got to show off Adelyn).

I am really starting to get stressed about going back to work.  I am not ready. Coen is still so little.  I wish I could just have one more month.  When I think about it too long, I get depressed and almost cry because I am sad about leaving him and worried about how I am going to manage this.  Then I tell myself that if I could get through the past year, grieving our daughter while being pregnant with our son - then truly there cannot be anything I cannot do. Right?

I keep listening to this song over and over when I am in my car to remind myself of that.  "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stand a little taller....."  Sierra even knows the words now and sings along!  Really only the chorus applies to me, but I love the song.  Thanks to Sarah S. for getting me addicted - and finding this awesome acoustic version for me.  Love it!


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