Forgetting, then Remembering

I can't remember where I read these words - forgetting, then remembering.  I know it was someone else's blog.  I remember relating to it so well.  Especially tonight.

It's not that I forgot that I have another daughter.  Trust me, I think about her every single day.  I guess I just am used to it now, it's just so much a part of who I am that it's just always there.  I forget to be sad about it sometimes.

Tonight I was reading my e-mail and I got a message from my sister-in-law and brother.  They had sent a gift to a little girl in need who was born on September 29, 2010.  I always thought about doing something like that, but right now we are just trying to get back on our feet after 3 months of no paycheck for me.

Something about the message - the way it was written, the music, the words in the little video that played (love, joy, peace, faith) - caught me off guard.  It was written TO Adelyn.  I think because of that, it made me remember that she WAS real.  I really did have another daughter, I DO have another daughter.

I can't explain how it made me feel.  Touched is the best word.  That was the perfect gift, so thoughtful and special.  I love that they remembered Adelyn.  But yet as I sat there and watched it, the tears came.  It made the fact that she isn't here seem so real.  I was really, really sad at the same time.  I miss her and all the hopes and dreams we had for her.  This year is gentler, yes - but when I think back to last year, that pain I felt last year still hurts as much this year. 

I don't even know how to thank them.  Somehow, saying that I love the gift but it made me cry doesn't seem right.  I don't want them to feel bad for making me sad.  I just don't think that anyone who hasn't lost a child can understand why making me cry isn't always a bad thing.  I would rather cry because someone remembered, than cry because no one did.