Sunday, December 18, 2011

All I Want for Christmas

Some Christmas songs will never be the same for me - "Silent Night" being one.  Last year all I wanted for Christmas was Adelyn back.  So every time I heard that Mariah Carey song "All I Want for Christmas is You" I thought of her.  This year, the only thing I wanted was to have another baby for Christmas.  I'm  happy that I got what I wanted this year, since I couldn't have it last year.  I just don't care about anything else.  I don't even care if I get one present for Christmas.  I already got the best gift ever:

That being said, I'm having a hard time getting into the Christmas spirit this year.  No clue why - it's Coen's first Christmas after all.  He's just what I wanted for Christmas.  I think that's part of the reason - I'm just not into gifts or Christmas shopping this year.  I really dislike having to buy presents for people just because it is Christmas.  It gets to be too much, and I don't want to buy something whether they want/need it or not, just because I need to buy a gift.  Plus I'm tired, busy, stressed - I just don't have time.  I'd rather be spending time with my kids, not leaving them on one of my two days off to go buy presents.

Maybe it's just that this time of year will ALWAYS be hard.  Maybe I will always miss Adelyn a little bit more during the holidays.  I heard this song while I was nursing Coen and it really touched me.  So I think this year, it is the song that reminds me of Adelyn.
That was a very random post I know, but this is how my brain works right now.  I was sad when I started writing this, missing Adelyn.  But then the picture of Coen just made me smile and almost forget how sad I am that Adelyn isn't here.  Pretty much that is how it is right now.  I'm not sure how to feel.  I'm so thankful to have Coen here, but there will always be a hole in my heart that only Adelyn can fill.  I wish she was here, but then Coen most likely wouldn't be.  I am not sure if I will ever figure that one out.


Melissa said...

I feel the same way.

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