Saturday, November 26, 2011

Baby Shower

I went to my first baby shower since Adelyn today.  I'm not sure I would have been able to do it, if it weren't for Coen.  I'm still not sure I would have been able to do it if it was for a baby girl.  So thankfully my friend is having a boy, like everyone else I know right now.

I still feel a bit weird about how everyone just assumes babies will come home.  And it's hard to hear people talk about how excited they are.  Those feelings in regards to babies and pregnancy were robbed from me the day Adelyn died.  I wish I could be naive again.

I hate how I often don't know how to respond to certain questions or feel uncomfortable about them.  Just a simple question from one of the ladies at our table (who I didn't know) - she asked if we had found out what I was having when I was pregnant with my kids.  I felt like that question was relevant to all three of my kids.  We did not know Sierra was a girl I said.  But then if I said we did know our second daughter was a girl, but she died so the whole gender topic was really touchy when I was pregnant with Coen and I don't want to talk about that - that would be too much.  So I just said no, but I felt guilty about it.  I feel like I betray Adelyn when I do that.  I almost feel like I am a hippocrit because I get so mad when others don't acknowledge her, yet here I am doing it.  I hate that - I just never know how to go about this, and it comes up a lot.  Maybe I need to just start talking about her and not care if it makes them uncomfortable.  But then I get the pity stare and people never look at me the same.  I become "the one whose baby died."  I'm more than that.

Anyway, the comment of the day from Sierra: "Well we are at a baby shower, but where's the shower?"  Kids are so literal!

My kids were all dressed up for the occassion, so I might as well show them off here too.

Sierra didn't want to stand still - she was on a sugar high from the cake.  She wanted to know why we were eating cake but no one sang happy birthday.  Ha ha!

Coen's face cracks me up in this one.  He just looked so much like a little man today - love it!


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