Thursday, December 2, 2010


So, I'm just feeling really drained tonight. I have been feeling like I am trying to get sick or something. First I had post nasal drip and sinus issues the first week back to work. Now that is mostly gone and I feel nauseous off and on. And really, really tired. I am so irritable and have no patience. As soon as I got home from work, I just felt like someone sucked all the energy out of me. I don't like it, not one bit.

My day started with a birth announcement right by the sign in sheet when I got to work. And, yep, you guessed it - a baby girl! I didn't know the teacher who had the baby, but still. It took me back to how excited I was going to be when it was my turn to have the birth announcement - they do it every time a teacher or staff member in the district has a death in the family or has a baby. How ironic that my announcement ended up being both in one. At least I knew that everyone would know and I wouldn't have to field the "how's the baby?" comments from anyone (except kids).

I wasn't feeling very good off and on, and the birth announcement made me more nauseous. Then the assistant principal came in and said he was going to observe me today. Great - I feel sick and am in a bad mood. We have to get observed once per semester if you are tenured and twice if you are not. I am not- but this is my last year before I get it, so even though I was out for 7 weeks, I would like this semester to count.

I made it through the day and the observation - but I am seriously so unproductive at work it's ridiculous. I see all my students, but during my preps or down time I do nothing. Sometimes I just stare at the computer. Sometimes I chat with other teachers who have a prep. Today the school psychologist came to have me sign off on something and we talked for my entire prep. Oh well. It's fine now, but it's going to come back to bite me in the butt when I am scurrying to get all this paperwork in. I feel guilty that I'm not doing more, preparing for sessions better, getting a jump start on paperwork - but I'm just in survival mode.

Tonight I was walking around with a lump in my throat. Just felt like I could cry at any give moment. I think I must have given Sierra about 1000 hugs and kisses in an attempt to uplift myself. I did work, for a little bit anyway. While I was reading her a book before bed, I was fighting back tears. There's no rhyme or reason to it. Nothing happened that triggered me. I just feel sad and really low. I don't even have the energy to respond to a couple of e-mails that I really want to respond to. I need to pay the bills. I need to get my clothes ready for tomorrow and pack my lunch. So much to do, and normally all this busy work keeps me sane. Not tonight. I wonder if it is because I have been putting on my happy face at work, and by the time I get home I don't have any left? I was worried that would happen.

Thank God tomorrow is Friday! I'm not sure I will make it through a full work week next week. For now, I'm just hoping for a better day tomorrow. And that I'm not getting sick.


KrystalK said...

i hope you do stay healthy momma, and that today is better than yesterday. (((HUGS)))

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