In a Fog

Just an update from my post yesterday - I said there was nowhere to go but up. Well, I was wrong. I think my roller coaster fell off the track for a little bit. It's since back on the track, and hopefully going up. Right now, it's still pretty much at the bottom.

Last night, I cried......and cried. That cry that I said wasn't coming out, came out. Did it really make me feel better? Not really. The cry began after a talk with my husband. Then we put Sierra to bed and talked some more. Do I feel like things were resolved after all that talking? Not sure. I think he was just in a really sad place yesterday and he was feeling hopeless. Just talking to him and being near him did make me feel better, even if I didn't like everything he said.

I didn't sleep well last night since I cannot breathe out of my nose. Breathing through your mouth makes your whole mouth and throat dry and I hate that! So I woke up a few times. This morning, I felt like I was hung over, but yet I haven't had a single drink in at least a week. I am not sure if it's just the "grief effect" from all that crying and the difficult day yesterday, if it's because I am tired, or if it's from being a little sick. I just hate this feeling.

Today we went to Lowe's to look at stoves, countertops, and a new faucet since ours is leaking. I really felt weird in the store - of course there were babies everywhere and my head was just in a fog, but it was nice looking and gave me a teeny bit of hope.

When we got home I realized that I forgot to get the mail yesterday, so I grabbed it. I am sort of glad I forgot, because guess what was in there? Yep - the death certificate with the corrected time of death. That probably would have been bad to see that yesterday. Today, I was just numb to it.

I am hoping to wake up tomorrow and feel clear in more ways than one. Clear nose and out of this stupid fog I am in! I am getting observed by the assistant principal tomorrow and I hate talking with a stuffy nose.

Good night, hopefully I sleep tight!