Sunday, January 9, 2011

In a Fog

Just an update from my post yesterday - I said there was nowhere to go but up. Well, I was wrong. I think my roller coaster fell off the track for a little bit. It's since back on the track, and hopefully going up. Right now, it's still pretty much at the bottom.

Last night, I cried......and cried. That cry that I said wasn't coming out, came out. Did it really make me feel better? Not really. The cry began after a talk with my husband. Then we put Sierra to bed and talked some more. Do I feel like things were resolved after all that talking? Not sure. I think he was just in a really sad place yesterday and he was feeling hopeless. Just talking to him and being near him did make me feel better, even if I didn't like everything he said.

I didn't sleep well last night since I cannot breathe out of my nose. Breathing through your mouth makes your whole mouth and throat dry and I hate that! So I woke up a few times. This morning, I felt like I was hung over, but yet I haven't had a single drink in at least a week. I am not sure if it's just the "grief effect" from all that crying and the difficult day yesterday, if it's because I am tired, or if it's from being a little sick. I just hate this feeling.

Today we went to Lowe's to look at stoves, countertops, and a new faucet since ours is leaking. I really felt weird in the store - of course there were babies everywhere and my head was just in a fog, but it was nice looking and gave me a teeny bit of hope.

When we got home I realized that I forgot to get the mail yesterday, so I grabbed it. I am sort of glad I forgot, because guess what was in there? Yep - the death certificate with the corrected time of death. That probably would have been bad to see that yesterday. Today, I was just numb to it.

I am hoping to wake up tomorrow and feel clear in more ways than one. Clear nose and out of this stupid fog I am in! I am getting observed by the assistant principal tomorrow and I hate talking with a stuffy nose.

Good night, hopefully I sleep tight!


Diana said...

I'm so sorry : ( I hate those extremely difficult, foggy days. I know it does not seem like it, but the days WILL get more manageable. I'll be thinking about you lots and hope your day goes well today. ((HUGS))

TanaLee Davis said...

I too had one of those days recently...lets face it they suck! I think putting your mind on other things will help. Focus on the positives and working on your goals will help. As you may have read in my blog- Setting goals that are short term and then one long term goal really gets you feeling better as long as they are attainable.
Hope this helps,

Mary Beth said...

I so know this "fog" feeling. Hang in there, my friend. One day at a time. Keeping you in my prayers.

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