Tuesday, January 25, 2011

A Rough Day

It's been a rough day. I knew it was coming, I had been pretty up for awhile. Trevor got a promotion last week and Sierra's potty training took a turn for the better. So I was feeling hopeful. Trevor's birthday was Saturday and we had a good time.

Then today came. At work, I was cleaning out drawers and files. It was almost like nesting - so strange, my need to orangize lately. I never had nesting with Adelyn either. Anyway, as I was going through stuff, I found a paper from the beginning of the year. "Building fund" - everyone gives money so the school can buy gifts for births/weddings/retirements or send food/memorials for deaths. So, on the list it has specified amounts spent for each event - death is divided into 2 categoires: death of spouse, parents, sibling and death of grandparents or in-laws (obviously more money is given for closer relatives). Nowhere on this list does it say "death of child." It just really bothered me today. I guess no one thinks that will happen. I get that, really I do, but it's not very likely to lose a sibling either, and that's on there. I guess it was just one of those triggers that I didn't expect. But, here my situation is so unlikely it isn't even listed. No one wants to think about that happening, and it happened to me. And listed right under the two death groups, is "birth of a child." Ugh.

So I was sort of in a funk and then I went to pick Sierra up. She was wearing different pants than I left her in - not a good sign. Yep - she peed her pants four times. And did not eat anything, was mean to the other kids, got a time out, and did her annoying baby talk all day. She can talk very clearly and has quite a vocabulary, but sometimes acts like a baby. It's random. As we walked home I grabbed the mail and of course Adelyn's birth certificate came. It's stamped in big letters "DECEASED" across the front. Great - I didn't know. But I guess now I do know why they don't automatically send you a birth certificate if a death certificate was filed on the same baby, since it will arrive with a stamp on it. I'm so angry about that. Can't I just get one nice copy without it? I understand it's probably procedure, but there should be a separate procedure when the baby dies soon after birth. The first copy should not have the stamp or something.

This blog post has been interrupted by a two year old girl who wandered out of her bed and is sitting on my lap now as I type. She was just asleep! I love to cuddle her though. Sometimes it's just what I need. Now off to put her back in bed so I can go to bed. To be continued tomorrow.....


Rhiannon said...

I am sorry about Adelyn's birth certificate with that horrible word stamped across it. Harper's is the same. I was so angry when we received it and couldn't believe that they would do that when we are fragile enough as it is I hope that you and sweet Sierra got some rest. :)

Zarah said...

I know how your feeling that DECEASED was like a big slap across the face. We have so few momentos of our babies and to have that ugly word stamped across it. When I read your blog I feel like we're close to the same place in this process. Your in my thougths and prayers often.

TanaLee Davis said...

Lisa, your day yesterday was horrible. I too hate that most things don't mention a family that has lost a child. Like you said, the world would rather believe that it doesn't happen. You and I both know all to well that is does and that its not fare. We have a world on the web that does say that we count and that we matter, that our babies matter. We may not have a name for it like a widow or orphan but we are BLM's and people do care. My Hope for you today is that today will be better. Take care Lisa-

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