Thursday, January 20, 2011


I've always been a black or white kind of person. That's why I liked math - and it's rare to find a speech therapist who likes math and is good at it! I like having one answer that is correct. No second guessing. No decisions, it's obvious.

That being said, I am struggling BIG time at work. I am able to go in and see the kids, they usually cheer me up if I am feeling sad. Although sometimes they frustrate me! I have even been able to keep up on the mounds of paperwork this job requires. Don't get me wrong, there are days when I just sit and stare at my computer when I should be doing paperwork or planning therapy sessions. But at that moment, it's all I can do. I haven't fallen behind, but yet I don't think I am doing the best work I know I could do.

Lately it just seems like everything is so gray. I almost had a meltdown yesterday because I just cannot decide what to do with a few students. I thought I was going to dismiss one, then I learned more information and now I am second guessing that decision. I want the student out of speech, I mean he's in 10th grade, enough is enough. But now with this new info, I just don't know. I can't make a decision. I'm afraid to make the wrong decision, but I don't know what the right one is! Then there are the new little Kindergarten students who the teachers can't understand, but sound fine when I listen to them. What to do! Then the director of special education wants me to start something different with 2 older students who are working at supportive employment. I feel so overwhelmed about it. While I was out, she told my sub not to worry about it, so those kids were not seen, which is bad. Since I got back, no one seemed to be able to tell me what I was supposed to do, where I was supposed to see them, or if I was even still supposed to. Their teachers suggested just to dismiss them from speech, but the director of special education wants me to continue seeing them. So I flat out told her I was overwhelmed and she suggested I just see them at the high school when they are there. I dread it - I just don't know what else I can do for these kids. Same old, same old. Sometimes I really hate the fact that they have me working at both the middle school and high school. There are kids that I am "stuck" with for 6 years!! I love all my students, but after so long I run out of ideas to work on the same things with the same kids and it just gets boring!

Ok, work rant is over. Tomorrow is a clerical day and I have so much paperwork to do. To be exact, 62 progress reports. Ugh! And I have to make the final decision on that student - his final report has to be done tomorrow. I have a hard time staying focused normally on these types of days. I can't even imagine how I will be able to do it in my current state. TGIF.....


Sarah Erwin said...

"Gray" pulled me in. I feel so gray about many things too. Especially kids and babies. I pray for you and think about you. I love you Lisa!

KrystalK said...

Ahh yes, the gray has me as well.
Ill be sending some prayers that God will help direct your thoughts to get that work done and help you in your decision for that boy. Thinking about you Lisa, Take care and have a wonderful weekend <3

Lisa said...

Well I decided to just keep him in speech. I talked to the teacher and that's what we decided - she helped me! Better safe than sorry I guess. And I e-mailed the director of special education and she said she is willing to help me in any way she can and to let her know when things are difficult/overwhelming for me. And I did finish all 62 progress reports :)

Sarah, I'm sorry you feel "gray" about kids and babies. I felt that way about trying again for quite awhile, but now I finally feel like I am ready. I just hope God feels that way too and blesses us with another baby :)

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