Gray

I've always been a black or white kind of person. That's why I liked math - and it's rare to find a speech therapist who likes math and is good at it! I like having one answer that is correct. No second guessing. No decisions, it's obvious.

That being said, I am struggling BIG time at work. I am able to go in and see the kids, they usually cheer me up if I am feeling sad. Although sometimes they frustrate me! I have even been able to keep up on the mounds of paperwork this job requires. Don't get me wrong, there are days when I just sit and stare at my computer when I should be doing paperwork or planning therapy sessions. But at that moment, it's all I can do. I haven't fallen behind, but yet I don't think I am doing the best work I know I could do.

Lately it just seems like everything is so gray. I almost had a meltdown yesterday because I just cannot decide what to do with a few students. I thought I was going to dismiss one, then I learned more information and now I am second guessing that decision. I want the student out of speech, I mean he's in 10th grade, enough is enough. But now with this new info, I just don't know. I can't make a decision. I'm afraid to make the wrong decision, but I don't know what the right one is! Then there are the new little Kindergarten students who the teachers can't understand, but sound fine when I listen to them. What to do! Then the director of special education wants me to start something different with 2 older students who are working at supportive employment. I feel so overwhelmed about it. While I was out, she told my sub not to worry about it, so those kids were not seen, which is bad. Since I got back, no one seemed to be able to tell me what I was supposed to do, where I was supposed to see them, or if I was even still supposed to. Their teachers suggested just to dismiss them from speech, but the director of special education wants me to continue seeing them. So I flat out told her I was overwhelmed and she suggested I just see them at the high school when they are there. I dread it - I just don't know what else I can do for these kids. Same old, same old. Sometimes I really hate the fact that they have me working at both the middle school and high school. There are kids that I am "stuck" with for 6 years!! I love all my students, but after so long I run out of ideas to work on the same things with the same kids and it just gets boring!

Ok, work rant is over. Tomorrow is a clerical day and I have so much paperwork to do. To be exact, 62 progress reports. Ugh! And I have to make the final decision on that student - his final report has to be done tomorrow. I have a hard time staying focused normally on these types of days. I can't even imagine how I will be able to do it in my current state. TGIF.....