Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Birth Certificates, Death Certificates, and Exhaustion

The new year has not been kind to me. January 1 was a crappy day. I couldn't stop thinking about something that would probably bother me if it happened. Why I got so caught up on something that hasn't even happened, or if it has, I don't know about it yet. But it consumed me to the point where I could NOT sleep. I think I slept an hour total on Saturday night. I really just wanted to cry and scream and get it out and feel better - which used to work in the beginning. Now it seems like the tears just won't come out. I guess I'm out of tears.

You can imagine that the next day was not fun on 1 hour sleep. And leave it to me to wait until the last minute to work on a portfolio for work that was due Monday! I was so tired I could not even think, but it HAD to get done. I tried to take a nap when Sierra napped, but I couldn't. I did rest for an hour and found enough energy to finish the portfolio. It's such busywork, and what could I put in it since I barely worked the first semester of the school year! All I know is I have one more after this and I have tenure. Yippee!!

Sunday night hubby and I were up till 11 talking, even though I was super tired I got my second wind. I hate that, but it always seems to happen to me! Monday was back to work and I was so tired all day. Same thing went for Tuesday. I feel like I am trying to get sick again - just really tired, like someone sucked all the energy out of me. Plus my throat hurts off and on and I get this yucky nauseous feeling every now and again. I finally slept well Tuesday night but was still tired today. I was in such a daze on my way to work that I passed up the exit and had to take the long way. Oops!

Those were random thoughts, I guess I was just explaining why I haven't written lately. I hope I'm on the upswing of the sickness that I never really got, but am just fighting off. I made it through work today and feel ok tonight. Now Sierra is snotty and her baby-sitter wasn't feeling well today. Guess there is something going around. Stay away germs! I only have 3 sicks days left till June :(

I don't know if I mentioned this on my blog, but the hospital actually got the time of death wrong on Adelyn's death certificate. In getting it fixed, the nurse who runs the pregnancy loss support group at the hospital found out that the state will issue a birth certificate - if we want it. I just had to call and request it myself. I finally got around to it today since it's not a busy day for me at work. So I asked why I had to do that and she said the state automatically does NOT send a birth certificate out if a death certificate was issued on the same baby. How stupid is that? She said something along the lines of we let the parents proceess what happened and give them time and then they can ask for it if they want it. Who wouldn't want it? Why would they not just send it? So, so dumb. But, the good news is that we will get a birth certificate in 10 business days. And, we can claim Adelyn as a dependent on our taxes. I looked it up, since the lady from the department of vital stastics said she thought we could claim her and to check it out. It clearly states that as long as a baby is considered a "live birth" and meets all the other eligibility requirements, you can claim the baby as a dependent, even if she was only alive for a moment. I wondered if Adelyn was considered a live birth or a stillbirth, since she never breathed or moved and her Apgar was 0. I never thought she was stillborn, since she did have a "very questionable" heartbeat of <60 at birth, and her time of birth was different than her time of death. But, my dr. used "stillborn" on a letter to my school district requesting additional bereavement days for me, and it ticked me off. There is nothing wrong with it, but I didn't think Adelyn was stillborn. And, she used it like this "delivered a stillborn." Sounds so cold. How about the baby was stillborn or delivered a stillborn baby? It just needed the word baby in there somewhere.

Now, don't get me wrong, I could really care less about being able to claim Adelyn on our taxes. I don't care about money, as long as I have enough to pay the bills and enjoy life these days. Material things don't mean much to me, I just want my baby! Anyway, the reason it makes me happy is because it means that the government actually acknowledges that Adelyn existed. Because she did. Even if at times, it feels like a dream. She was here, I saw her, I held her (even if I don't remember it in the hospital) and we loved - and still love - her.


Amy von Oven said...

My baby was stillborn on May 3, 2009....I too have a blog where I am sharing how God has used everything I have been through to hopefully help other women and what they are going through. My heart breaks as I read what you write because I understand it so deeply. There will be times where you feel like you can't stop crying and then times you feel so numb there are no tears left...I will be praying for you in this journey as I so deeply understand what the months ahead hold for you and your family. Your friend....Amy

LetterstoClaire said...

I am still weary of going through the birth and death certificate process. We are still waiting on her death certificate and even though it should definitely be ready by now, I'm nervous to call the mortuary because of all the sad feelings it will bring it up. I completely understand how important it is, and how meaningful it is, to have both the birth and death certificates. In a way, it's like legal evidence that our children were alive just like any other child in this world. I have a birth certificate, so why shouldn't Claire? I still haven't requested one, but I did have to fill out a lot of paperwork in the hospital so records would have the information. My guess is that my state is similar - we won't receive one until we ask. I also was really drawn to what you said about her being or not being born stillborn- we have such a limited time with our children that any distinction we can make matters. I had a conversation with my Perinatologist's assistant who asked about my "miscarriage." I explained my daughter was born PREMATURE at 23 weeks. The distinction may be silly to some but for me it's hugely important. Thinking of you both!

KrystalK said...

((((HUGS)))) I still have not done the birth/death cirtificates yet. I dont believe they are going to issue us a birth cirt. either. I have to go back to the Dr. and have her sign the paperwork for the death cirt. and have not even botherd yet. I am not sure if stella even had a slow HB or not at birth. She moved right before i blacked out and had a hb of 141 10 mins before she was delivered. I didnt wake up and find out for 4 hours after she was born. :( I hope it is all easly figured out and that you can have a day to cry and let it out. I had a good sob yesterday and feel much better since i did. Always thinking about you lisa <3

Lisa said...

Hmm, that's interesting. Our funeral home took care of the death certificate stuff. We didn't do a thing. They asked if we wanted a certified copy, we said no just a regular copy was enough. Krystal, I'm confused as to how the death certificate isn't completed - I thought it had to be to have them cremated or buried. At least it is here.

And, yes, I would have been ticked if a dr. called a baby born at 23 weeks a "miscarriage." She was weeks away from being able to survive. So sorry for your loss.

Amy von Oven said...

Bethany was 37 weeks and they would not give me a birth certificate only a death certificate. Bethany did not have a heartbeat when she was born, but to me she was still born and I always thought they should give me a birth certificate and a death certificate, but they told me she had to have a heart beat. It always killed me because its not called a heart beat certificate its a birth certificate and she still came into this world...

And I am also sorry about the doctor saying it is a miscarriage...a baby is baby from day one!

Diana said...

I despise the word stillborn. Ava never took a breath..she clearly died in my womb, but I find myself telling people she died at birth. I don't want anyone to discount her life. I am glad you are able to get a birth certificate. That would mean a lot to me if I could have one for Ava. I have a death certificate, but not birth. Doesn't really make a lot of sense! But it is what it is. Our sweet girls spent their entire lives with us, and is was very meaningful.

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