It finally arrived - a good day! I can't believe it. I've been feeling "blah" lately - not happy, not sad, just there. I can't decide what's worse - "blah" or having the somewhat highs followed by the really lows.
So, my day started regular. Cranky that I had to get up and go to work. Sierra refused to go on the potty. I got to work and my first group of kids came in. I call them my "normal" group because they are regular kids that just have some lingering articulation errors. Actually, they all are ready to be done except maybe 1 of them. But I had the same 4 kids in a group last year and they were my favorite group at the middle school. So, one says "so, I have to ask you - are you okay?" I thought it was so sweet, coming from an 8th grade boy. I was in a good mood - thankfully- or I may have lost it after that question. I just talked a little about it and said I'm not okay but I am, what happened was awful but what can you do. He says "well, you can make another one." Lol. Let's stop right there buddy! Then he proceeds to tell me that he'll tell the stork to hurry up and bring me another one. Obviously he was being sarcastic but it was funny and cute.
First period I go down to a classroom to work with some kids in the room. After class ended, I was talking to 2 of the learning support teachers. Both of them have 2 girls, like I should have. We were talking about Christmas shopping and they were saying how they had to worry about their girls fighting over presents. And I got a little sad. I wish I had that problem.......
I did get some work done during my prep, but still a lot to do. After lunch I had to drive over to my other school. I do not have a room in this building, but use someone else's. She takes over the room and pisses me off. Every time I go in to get my files, she moves this stupid cart in front of them so I can't get in there. Grrrr.... So inconsiderate. I'll stop there, cause I could go on. It's like an unspoken war - I move the cart, she moves it back the next day. Good thing I was in a good mood today or else I could have let her have it. This whole experience has made me have little tolerance.
So, I go to get my Kindergarten students - first time I've seen these 2 since I came back. The one hands me a picture of a rainbow. I asked him how he knew I liked rainbows and he says "cause you're a girl". Awww. Anyway, for those of us who are unfortunate enough to have lost a baby - rainbow has a special meaning. It refers to the baby you have after the one you lost. After a hurricane, comes the rainbow. "Rainbow baby" they are called. I hope to have one, soon - I think. Still debating on when the right time is. Maybe this was a sign? Who knows. Guess time will tell.
Then I get my first graders. Same kid who asked about how my baby was doing on Friday. He tells me he is scared of 2nd grade. Now, we are not even halfway through first grade! I asked him why, was he afraid of the teachers. He tells me he hopes to get this one particular teacher "because she's hot." I tried not to laugh.
And, the best for last. 3rd grader working on TH - I give him the word broth and ask him to use it in a sentence. He says "Girls wear a broth, but boys don't." Oh my....
I think I could entertain people just by writing about the kids at work! Not sure if they are why I was in a good mood or not. I was due for a good day I guess. The sad feelings came back a little on my drive home and even more so when I went to pick Sierra up and the pregnant neighbor who is due in Dec. was there. She's having a girl - of course! But, I got through it without a meltdown or complete change of mood.
So, in honor of my good mood, I'm going to type out this quote from Grey's Anatomy that I wrote down awhile back. It was the first time I actually sat down and watched TV since Adelyn died. It was the season premiere episode, after the shootings and all.
"Lightning doesn't often strike twice. It's a once in a lifetime thing. Even if it feels like the shock is coming over and over again. Eventually the pain will go away and the shock will wear off and you start to heal yourself. To recover from something you never saw coming. But sometimes the odds are in your favor. If you are in the right place at the right time, you can take a hell of a hit and still have a shot at surviving."
I am a mother of three beautifully unique children. Our oldest daughter Sierra, our middle daughter Adelyn who inspired this blog, and our youngest son Coen, our rainbow baby. I have a wonderful husband and family. Most days I love my job. This blog is my way of sharing my feelings to those who want to read them. It is also my place to remember and be with Adelyn.