Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Sleeping Babies

When Coen was first born, I would freak out a few times every day when I would look at him sleeping.  I never wrote about this before, but if he fell asleep in the swing or in his pack and play, I would try to get some things done.  At least twice per day, I would glance at him as I passed by to check if he was still sleeping.  But because of my past, instead of seeing a sweet, sleeping baby, I saw a dead baby.  I would have to run over and check to make sure he was breathing every time.

For the longest time, a sleeping baby looked like a dead baby to me.  In fact, there is a picture of my niece at my brother's house in black and white, she is maybe 2 months old and sleeping in it, and it reminds me of the pictures from "Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep."  I have a hard time looking at it.

So the sleeping baby = dead baby thing went away after awhile, thankfully.  However, with Coen being sick this past week, it has returned, but different.  He was coughing a lot the other night, he woke us up he was coughing so much.  But he didn't cry or wake up, so we let him be.  I should have checked on him, but I am so exhausted all the time that I don't get up out of bed unless I have to.  And if he was coughing, that meant he was breathing.  When I woke up the next morning, it was quiet.  The fear returned.  What if he choked on his mucus?  What if I went in to wake him up and he was dead?  I was almost afraid to go in to get him in the morning.  I turned on the light and held my breath until I saw him move.

Tonight, I went in to check on him and found this:

He has been rolling over for awhile, but never in his crib while he slept.  I don't like this one bit.  Sierra slept like this since she was probably 4 months soon as she could roll over, she slept on her belly.  The difference is when she was a baby, I never thought one of my babies would die.  I know better now, so Coen sleeping on his belly makes me nervous.  I know it's not recommended, but what can you do once they can do it on their own? 


Melissa said...

There's not much you can do. At least he knows to move his head to the side!

Alexa just started rolling in her crib again, she had stopped for a while. And she'll cry and cry! And between the cries, she puts her face into the mattress. I don't know what to do. :(

I think sleeping babies look like dead babies too. I have to watch the tummy go up and down. Whenever Alexa napped outside of her crib early on, I checked on her every few minutes. It was exhausting.

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