Birthday Woes

I planned on writing this nice, happy blog post today.  One looking back on one of the best days of my life, the day I became a mommy.  One about how much I love and appreciate my oldest.  One about how glad and blessed I feel to have a daughter on Earth.

I promise this was my intention.  I don't want it to seem like I only blog when I have a bad day.  However, today didn't go as planned.

Sierra turned 4 today.  Time flies!  Last night she kept asking why she had to go to the baby-sitter's on her birthday.  I used all my sick days for my maternity leave, so I can't take off.  We ran around and worked around the house all weekend, so it would have been nice.  Trevor decided to stay home with her and have some daddy and Sierra time.  We sent Coen to the baby-sitter's and I went to work.  He took her across the street to play and bring cupcakes to her friends (her baby-sitter lives across the street from us).  We were going to let her choose where to go for dinner and let her open her presents from us.  We are having a family party Saturday and a friend/kid party the following Saturday, so she is going to get tons of toys and be overwhelmed.

I rushed home from work because I was looking forward to the evening.  Trevor was picking Coen up when I got home so it was perfect.  I had been too tired to wrap her presents up.  So I went downstairs and got them ready when I heard them come home.

Not happy sounds though.  Sierra was not listening, acting up.  I had noticed a pair of pants and underwear in a plastic bag in the basement and sighed.  Not again.....she had been doing SO well with the potty. 

But not today.  She must have peed her pants 4 times, and did it just as they walked in the door, even after being asked if she had to go.  That was the final straw, and our evening was ruined.  I couldn't justify letting her go out to dinner after this behavior, nor was I in the mood to celebrate and give her presents.  If she had one accident, ok, they happen.  But she goes weeks perfect (except at night), and it seems like this is a behavior and she will do it multiple time in a day.  I can't figure out what causes it or why she is doing it.  For attention??  She got so much today, and she gets MORE attention when she is pleasant and cooperative.

I tried to talk to her about it, but she kept changing the subject.  She said she did it because she wanted mommy to take her to the baby-sitter's today and that she misses me.  Not sure if I believe that, she is smart enough to know that will soften me.  But she IS a momma's girl, so it could be partly true.  I'm not sure whether to laugh at that because she is so smart, or to cry because she really  means it.  Sigh....

Of course when I have frustrating parenting days, I start to wonder if I am doing something wrong.  Why does she act like this, why can't she get this potty training thing?  She is FOUR!  I swear that every other kid around our neighborhood, except the babies, is potty trained and some are over a year younger than her.

Days like this, they make my anger come back.  I start comparing, and thinking about how unfair it is.  Not only did we have to have a baby who died, but now we also have the most difficult child ever to potty train.  Really??  I mean, I know it could be SO  much worse, I could not have the opportunity to potty train her at all.  But tonight I am just so frustrated that her day was ruined and that she STILL isn't fully potty trained, that I can't think positively.

It's another one of those "can't wait for this day to be over and wake up to a new one" kind of nights.

On that note, I should really just go to bed.  Tomorrow is a very busy day at work and I need all the patience I can get for it.