Wednesday, June 1, 2011

What Else?

I'm trying to be more positive, but over the past two weeks or so, I kind of feel like what else? What else, God, can you throw at me? I feel like I just need to vent a bit so bear with me.

On Thursday I noticed my dog would not stop licking his back leg. I ran out and bought wrap to put on it and when I came home Friday, he had licked/ripped through it. So I called the vet to make an appointment for him, since he was due for his check up this month anyway. They did not have one until Tuesday. Great. So, since Friday, he has been wearing this:

I feel so bad for him, but at the same time I'm greatly annoyed because he bangs into everything with that on his head. He has a hard time going up and down the steps and actually fell trying to go up them once. I freaked out and Sierra was very upset too. But the moment I take it off, he licks it again. Ahhhh.

This week my husband was sick and you know how that goes. He has a bad cold, but well, he may die. Sorry to sound so inconsiderate, but I'm annoyed. He kept me up all night by sighing and coughing and blowing his nose. Every single word out of his mouth is about how horrible he feels. I do feel bad because this is the busiest weeek of the year for him and the worst time for him to get sick - year end at his work. But hearing over and over about how bad he feels and the constant sighing. I got little sympathy when I felt bad last week.

Yesterday it was 95 degrees here and the school I work at on Tuesdays has no air conditioning. We had 3 meetings in this little room, lots of bodies in there, one small window with little air moving, and a projector giving off more heat. I really felt like I was going to pass out a few times. Then I forget that after my usual work day, I had to run to another building for a mandatory after school professional development. This building doesn't have air either. The worst part is my dog was supposed to go to the vet, but due to having to work later I cancelled the appointment. Well, I rushed over to the meeting and it was over by 3:20, so I probalby could have made it to the vet appointment at 3:45. Now my dog has to wait until tomorrow - which is longer for him to drive me crazy with his halo thing!!

Today we had a speech department meeting and I didn't get home from work till right at 4:30, which is when I am supposed to pick Sierra up by. I didn't see any other parents' cars in the driveway and it was about 4:35. I figured they had already picked their kids up, so I headed over. I wasn't expecting to see the baby-sitter holding the 2 month old baby girl in her arms. I thought she was gone already or I would have waited, because even though I didn't get a good glimpse of her face, the pink sun hat was enough to remind me of what I am missing........again. I felt so uncomfortable, grabbed Sierra who didn't want to leave, but thankfully our 11 year old neighbor was there and she helped get her ready for me and walked her home, which made Sierra want to come home because she LOVES her.

I'm exhausted from lack of sleep and cranky and hormonal and have exploded on both Sierra and my husband tonight. I just need a break. When do I get to stop accomodating everyone else - I just want to pick my kid up without feeling uncomfortable. I don't think that's too much to ask. Why can't someone else accomodate me for once - I'm the one whose baby died. Why do I have to sit around and wait for her to leave, or watch out my door like a crazy stalker to check if her kids are gone? Why can't she pick her kids up a bit earlier and be gone by 4:30 so I am able to chat with the baby-sitter without my heart racing and worrying I am going to melt down any moment? Why? Because I really like to know what my kid did all day - did she eat, sleep, pee her pants? Good day/bad day? Instead I had to race out of there without talking to her baby-sitter. It isn't fair, none of it. I'm so annoyed. I just can't deal with that baby yet, she is too little and it hurts to see her big sister with her because they are almost exactly the same age difference as Sierra and Adelyn. All I can say, is thank goodness there is only 1 week of school left and then I won't really have to deal with it for a long time. Deep down I wish/hope that her mom decides to take the whole year off next year so I don't have to deal with it at all. But stupid me for hoping that - that just means she WILL go back to work because lately, whatever I wish for, the opposite seems to happen.

Sorry for the negativitly, it happens sometimes!


The Hyatt's said...

I'm so sorry that you have had it extra rough right now. pLease know that you are in my prayers.

butterflymom said...

Hi Lisa,
I just wanted to let you know that I'm new to your blog, but wanted to extend my sincere condolences over the loss of your beautiful daughter, Adelyn. I absolutely love her name. I can only imagine how difficult the situation is with your babysitter right now and other children. Hang in there and know you are supported and thought about. ((Hugs))

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