Friday, June 24, 2011


It's summer, which means no work for me. Somehow I seem to have LESS time. Hmmm. I guess I am better at time management when I have less time?

Random thoughts - my cousin said to me the other day "Everyone has their cross to bear. Unfortunately, yours is one of the biggest ones." Which is so true. It just continues to be so hard, to weigh down on me. Despite the loss of my baby girl and a couple other things going on right now, I truly would like to freeze time right now. Because it's summer, and.........

-No alarm clocks! Many mornings I wake up to the patter of footsteps running down the hall, the sounds of "MOMMY!" and a sweet face appearing next to my bed. Other mornings, I wake up on my own terms and get a few minutes of alone time before miss Sierra wakes up. I love it!

-I get to stay up till 12 and sleep till 8 every day. That is my perfect schedule, the one that my body chooses when it gets to.

-I spend the days taking Sierra to gymnastics class, soon dance class also, play dates with friends, talking to neighbors. This is the life!

-I live in a world of baby dolls, princesses, Dora......and I love it. She can stay just like this forever if you ask me. So much fun to play all this stuff with her, or even just to sit and watch her. She has complete conversations with all the people, Dora, the twins, etc. It is adorable and heartwarming.

-Spending so much time with my girl just leads to that bond that I never thought could grow closer, to do just that. Sometimes at night when her daddy tries to give her a bath or brush her teeth, she yells "NO I want Mommy!" Even though I may be exhausted and could use a break, inside I am secretly happy. She's a mommy's girl :)

-Sierra loves to run errands with me and we have plenty of time to shop for bargains!

-But the best part is, I get to do all this stuff and I STILL get a paycheck. Can it really get better than that? Of course, it could, if I got to do all these things with both of my daughters, but that isn't going to ever happen unfortunately. So as good as life seems to get, there is always that thought that gives me a reality check. I just miss her more and more every single day. Most people probably wouldn't even realize, they think I am "better." I'm not, I'm just better at dealing with it, hiding how much I long to hold her again. I love and miss you baby girl, more than I did almost 9 months ago.


Amy von Oven said...

I LOVE how you said most people THINK you are better. i tell people now that I was often playing dress up when they would see me dressed nice and out somewhere because it was all for show, I WAS DYING ON the inside. People assume you are doing better if you appear better, but until you walk in these shoes...they have no clue...

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