Thursday, September 13, 2012

What are the Chances?

September 13, 2010 - I had a routine dr. appointment after work, I was almost 39 weeks pregnant with Adelyn.  The dr. didn't think he felt her head, and sent me right away for an ultrasound since I was already so far along. Sure enough, he was right and she was breech.  I was devastated.  I was deathly afraid of a c-section.  I didn't know what to do.  I spoke to the dr. after the appointment, and he said I had two choices: schedule a c-section a few days later, or try to turn her.  He did not offer much information, and when I asked he really didn't recommend one way or the other.  Isn't that a dr.'s job?  I was confused, but I think I immediately knew I wanted to try to turn her.  If the dr. gave me it as an option, it had to be safe, right? 

Apparently not.  I still struggle with the guilt of that decision.  I try not to dwell on it, but if I let myself think too much I start to feel sick to m stomach.  While we don't know for sure what caused Adelyn to die, we think it was a combination of many things, one of them being the version to turn her.  If only I had chose differently.....

September 13, 2011 - I had my weekly ultrasound/biophysical profile.  Coen had been breech at every single ultrasound since my 19 week scan.  I woke up feeling different, and was pretty sure he had flipped. Sure enough, another ultrasound at the same exact place that told me Adelyn was breech one year earlier, told me this time that Coen was NOT.

It blew my mind last year.  I remembered the dates of all these events related to Adelyn, and posted about it then.  One year later, it still seems so ironic.  I mean, what are the chances of it being the exact same date? 

Really missing my girl lately, as all these dates start to hit.   Wake me up when September ends.


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