Monday, August 29, 2011

11 months

Today really could have come and gone like any other day. The 29th day of the month doesn't bother me nearly as much now. I continue to acknowledge it on Facebook and such because had Adelyn lived, I would have posted a picture with her height/weight stats and what she was doing, just like I did for Sierra, for her first year. Plus, I take every opportunity to make others remember her. I'm always afraid people forget because I seem "fine" now.

Today was the first day of school. I heard school buses, I heard car doors closing and sounds of the other kids being dropped off at Sierra's baby-sitter's house across the street. It's beautiful weather here, we have all the windows open. Actually, it feels like fall. I couldn't help but think, as I laid there in bed and listened to those sounds, of the last time I laid in bed on those fall days after Adelyn died. I heard those same noises and it was a harsh reminder back then that life goes on. Today, it didn't bother me, except to remind me of last year. Actually I sort of thought, glad it's you going to worok and not me :)

It was very strange to NOT be going to work. That being said, I really wasn't sad about it. I hope all moms who get to stay home with their kids realize how lucky they are. But I know I have a good job where I help other kids and I work very close to home, have a short work day, and summers off, so it could be WAY worse.

Sierra and I really had a wonderful day together. No fighting with her, she listened, stayed dry, and was just genuinely pleasant all day. She did not complain about bath and went right to bed. If only every day was like this!

One thing I do feel the need to vent about though - material things. Don't get me wrong - I LOVE to shop, I spend lots of time looking for bargains on the things I want. I have expensive taste when it comes to everything, but I make sure to use coupons on top of sales so I can get it as cheap as possible, or buy it used. I work hard so that I can buy what I want - within reason of course - I would still love an Audi TT convertible but that isn't going to happen anytime soon. People can get so bent out of shape over things. Without going into details, I just wish some people could get a reality check. I would gladly give up every single thing I own, if I could just have my daughter back. Stop making a mountain out of a mole hill!!!

I can't believe it's been almost a year. The next month is going to be difficult, as I am not working and have too much time to think about last year. Hopefully I can focus on some things I want to do for her first birthday in Heaven and on getting ready for rainbow baby. I'm already in the organizing mood, might as well take advantage of it.


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