Saturday was Sierra's first dance recital. We had dress rehearsal Friday morning at 9 (really? Too early for summer). At one point I was sitting next to Sierra and she said, "Mommy, I wanna go sit with my friends." Already?! Growing up too fast, but I'm glad she has an easy time making friends. One of the girls' moms is pregnant and due in September (it's a boy -whew). The girls must have been talking about it, and I started to tense up a bit. And then I heard Sierra - "You know what? I have two babies (at this point I started to panic - not the time or place for this discussion). One lives up in the sky and her name is Adelyn." I looked over to my friend whose daughter is in Sierra's class (she is one of my Adelyn friends who just gets it) and probably was near tears. She calmly just said, "It's ok. Do you feel like you are going to throw up?" I don't recall what I said, but then she was like "If you want me to say something, just say the word. But I think it's wonderful that Sierra talks about her like that." The topic seemed to be dropped, thankfully. But now I feel like I need to tell the other moms in case it comes up again......because it could lead to questions and a needed discussion with their girls. Oh, I hate this. It's bad enough to have your baby die, but it just never ends. It's never easy. It's just not a conversation I want to have, especially at a dress rehearsal. "Oh by the way, my daughter isn't making up stories, she really does have a sister who died 20 minutes after birth." Still struggling with this one, and this is only the beginning. As Sierra gets older and makes new friends, it is going to come up a lot. Right now she has really only been around people who know.
I won't lie....while I was sitting there watching all the dancers both during the rehearsal and the actual show, I thought of Adelyn. I thought about what it would be like to have two girls dancing. the craziness (and expense!) of all the costume changes and different numbers. I saw countless pictures in the program of sisters.....and I was very sad. No one else knew, but inside I was crying. I wanted that so badly, came so close too. I found myself feeling VERY jealous of these countless other families who had more than one living daughter. Not fair..... I LOVE Coen, don't get me wrong. But going to baseball games and soccer just doesn't excite me the same way. Maybe it will be different when he is actually playing though.
The next morning all the girls in her class went together to get their hair done. It was so cute. The hair stylists had fun, too - they kept saying how cute all the girls were and that they were 4 going on 16. So true! I have pictures of them all together, but I try not to post pictures of other people's kids on my blog because anyone can see them. On Facebook, only my friends can. So here is Sierra with her hair all done up (standing next to Adelyn's garden):
After this it was rush, rush to get to the show on time. I remembered everything but a cover up. Oops. I ended up just leaving her in her regular clothes until intermission and put her shirt over the top of the outfit. Things were so crazy, I barely got any pictures. I really wanted some of the whole class. We really had a great time this year, I enjoyed almost all of the other parents. We would just sit and chat while the girls danced for an hour, every Friday night. How times have changed, right? Most of the girls signed up again next year, so I will probably put Sierra in unless she doesn't want to. It's expensive, but I just love dance. Being in the theater, watching the show (and it was mostly little kids so it wasn't good dancing- the big kids danced in a later show) - it took me back to my childhood and how much I loved this. So I really hope Sierra wants to keep doing it!
The girls danced to a song called "Fairytale Lullaby" - the first line goes like this "If you want to ride a rainbow, come with me." I almost cried the first time I heard that part. The song is so sweet and I was near tears, my little girl is growing up too fast. I would be fine with her staying 4 forever....
Here is my tiny dancer!
1 week ago