Mother's Day

Mother's Day here was one of those damp, cool rainy days.  The kind where the sun doesn't peek out at all and it rains almost all day long.  I love rain and thunderstorms, always have.  I like to lay in bed and listen to the rain  hit the roof.  It's calming, soothing to me.

However, losing Adelyn changed that.  These kind of days remind me of Sept. 30th - it was exactly this kind of weather the day we left the hospital without Adelyn....and many of the days immediately following.  It was playing in my mind today, although I was so busy I didn't have time to dwell on it.  But I missed her today, I wondered what it would be like to get sticky kisses from a 19 month old.  Even though I really can't imagine it, I will always wonder what she would have been like.

I am thankful for all three of my babies today.  The three reasons I am called "mommy" today:

Sierra, my sunshine, who found a way to make me happy when the skies were very gray.  She made me mommy first, and she plays the oldest role so well.  Bossy, yet caring.  I will forever be grateful to her for making me smile and laugh when my heart was hurting so much.  I will never forget days after Adelyn died, she ran out of the bathroom after getting her bath, shook her hips at me and said "Look at me, mommy, I'm maked" (that was how she said naked).  She is the only reason I got out of bed and kept living, I had to for her.  I can NEVER do enough for her in my lifetime to thank her for that.

Adelyn, my guardian angel, who inspires me to be a better person and mommy.  She strengthened my faith somehow.  At first I was angry and wondered why God would take her from me.  I still can't answer that, but I just know I will see her again in Heaven and that thought keeps me going.  She brought me to some amazing friends, many through this blog.  I am grateful for them, they understand and have helped me through some hard times (specifically her little brother's pregnancy).  She also brought me closer to some of the old friends or even aquaintenances I had - some people I didn't expect, were so there for me and I will never forget that.  Without her, I don't think I would be as close to many of them.  That is a special gift.  But probably her most special gift is her little brother, who I am fairly certain would not be here today if she had lived.

And Coen, my rainbow, who proves that beauty really can come from ashes.  He has brought so much joy and hope back to our family in such a short time.  I am so thankful that he arrived safe and sound and healthy.  I appreciate every little thing about him so much more, because I now know how precious life is.

Of course I am also thankful to my husband for giving me the three most beautiful babies in the world.

I can't write about Mother's Day without writing about my own mother. I am thankful for my own mother, who gave me such a good example of how to be a good mother.  She is always there when I need her, and that is a  LOT!

Happy Mother's Day everyone!  I will leave you with a few quotes I came across that really touched me today:

"Mother's Day is a day of appreciation and respect. I can think of no mothers who deserve it more than those that had to give a child back" ~Erma Bombeck

When a baby arrives,
be it for a day or a month...
the fragile spark of a tender soul
the goldfish flutter known to only you-
you are unmistakeningly changed....
the tiny footprints left behind on your heart...
bespeak your name as Mother.

"A mother is not defined by the number of children you can see, but by the love she holds in her heart."~Franchesca Cox