Monday, March 7, 2011


This post is not about what you are probably expecting it to be about after reading its title. It is not a why me post. Yes, that thought most definitely still crosses my mind, mostly every time I hear about a baby girl being born who lives. There is no answer to that question, there will never be an answer.

I am a parent of an almost 3-year-old. I can't believe she is almost 3 and now I refer to her as "almost 3" instead of 2 and a half. Where does the time go? Anyway, as a parent of a toddler, I get the "why?" question often. Very often. So often, that I wonder if there was a record in the Guiness Book of World Records for most "why" questions asked in a particular time period, would my kid's picture be in there next to it?

I get the typical questions all the time. "Why did we get a new TV?" "Why don't we use that stove anymore?" "Why do your underwear have those on them (meaning a design)?" "Why is that green?" "Why does that plane fly over our house?" "Why can't I have that?" I could go on and on.

Then the why questions you never expect to have to answer as a parent. This weekend I was holding Sierra and walked into our bedroom. We were just standing there, I guess I was just loving on her and we happened to stop right in front of the lingerie chest (that's the name of the tall skinny piece of furniture, not what it has in it!). On the top of it is where we keep Adelyn's urn. Sierra knows her baby sister is in there - a while back we showed her it and told her. I'm not sure what she understands, because she also knows that Adelyn is in heaven up in the sky with baby Jesus. (She always refers to Jesus as "baby Jesus." Babies are far more interesting to her I guess). So, here comes the why question - "why is my baby sister in there?" And before I can answer (how do you answer that anyway?) she says "why can't we open it up and see her?" Sigh. Good thing she caught me on a good day. I'm not sure quite how to explain to her that only Adelyn's physical being is in the urn and that her spirit is in heaven. So I just said "well where else is your baby sister?" So we could get on the subject of heaven. It took some prompting, but she did say Adelyn was up in the sky with baby Jesus. Then that led to "why is heaven really far away?" This stems from a previous discussion we had about "why is my baby sister in heaven with baby Jesus?" and "why can't I go there to see her?" and my answer was because heaven is really far away and we can't go right now but someday we will all go to heaven. Sometimes I stumble and say something like when peole get sick they can't stay here on Earth and have to go to heaven, but then I worry she will think I am going to heaven if I just get a cold because she is SO literal. So I stopped myself when I started saying something like that when she was asking about why Adelyn was in the urn.

I hate that I have to answer these questions. I guess at least I can actually talk about it with her now, as opposed to 5 months ago. I think that these questions more than likely stem from conversations she has at her baby-sitter's house about being a big sister. All the other kids have siblings. Two of the girls there (ages 4.5 and 2.5) are about to have another baby sister, so I am sure this is how the topic comes up. Her baby-sitter did tell me the other day that when all the girls are talking about being a big sister (there is also a 3.5 year old girl who has a little brother), that Sierra now chimes in and says "I'm a big sister too. My baby sister is in heaven." Such a bittersweet thing. I love that she knows she is still a big sister. But I'm sad that her sister isn't here with her like all the other kids. One of the other moms told me her daughter (the 3.5 year old) always asks "where's Sierra's baby sister?" Aw.

I think that it all boils down to, is that my kid is just TOO darn SMART!! I think she is really going to give us a run for our money as she grows up. Sure is going to be a fun, but frustrating, ride!


TanaLee Davis said...

This post must have been difficult to write. I am glad however because you have provided me some insight into a life with a toddler who has lost a sibling. I thought it was hard losing a firstborn but your situation is very hard. I'm sorry for everything your going through. hugs-

Lisa said...

Thank you Felicia. I always thought the opposite, that it would be harder to lose your firstborn. It is hard explaining things to a toddler, but at the same time she has give me so much strength and made me smile when no one else could.

KrystalK said...

((((hugs)))) i have not been writing on my blog and wont continue to untill after Lent, but since you posted on my journal on DS i had to come and see how youve been here on blogger. I know exactly the WHYS you get from a toddler, although my son is about a year older than Sierra, she sounds like she is right up there with him in the questions! Eliajh has gone from the whys into the angry stage, he is grieveing hard and i see it contunually. He told me the other day he didnt want a God, because God took Stella away. That broke my heart. I still havnt dug into that state ment with him yet, and i am not even sure where to start with it. Eli gives me the Why is stella in there all the time with her urn andmy necklace that keeps some ashes too. I let him know that it is a way she can be here with us when she is in heaven and that if he chooses to he can talk with her in there. hope you continue to have good days lisa (((HUGS)))

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