Tuesday

Tuesday was one of those days that deserves a post of its own. I had 5 IEP meetings scheduled that day. Nice to get them all over with at once (even though I still have about 20 more to go before the end of this school year). But on the other hand, it's a long, somewhat boring day.

So, I walked out to get the mom for the second meeting of the day. And she is sitting there with her 5 month old baby boy on her lap. It took my breath away for a second, and then I just focused on what I had to do. I was nervous about this meeting, not because I thought she would bring her baby to it, but because I was worried she might ask about my baby. Her son that I see is in 4th grade and so he understands a lot - smart kid. We had talked a lot about the babies because his mom was due within days of me. I never actually asked about his brother or when exactly he was born, but I know it had to have been within days of Adelyn. At one point after I came back from my leave, he asked how my baby was doing. They did not tell the little kids what happened, just that some things are personal and not to talk about it. I think my sub told those who asked. I had answered him with "we aren't going to talk about that" and he never brought it up. Hopefully one of the other kids told him. But I was still worried that 1 - he had probably told his mom about his speech teacher being pregnant and 2 - he may not have told her or even knew himself that my baby died. Anyway, the fact that I was worried about this mom asking may actually have helped me. Because I was so on edge about it, that it didn't quite bother me that there was a baby in the room for the entire meeting who was the exact age as Adelyn would be. He was SO cute too - cooing, smiling, eating his shirt. I just LOVE that age. Luckily, the meeting went without a hitch and the mom did not mention a thing. She is one of my favorite moms, so nice and personable and gracious for the help with her son (who is also an absolutely wonderful kid).

I have to admit that the rest of the night, I thought about that baby's face and exactly what I am missing out on. Lately I have been sort of numb about things in general, not happy but not sad and crying when something difficult somes up. Guess that's a good thing, otherwise I could have had a meltdown in the middle of a meeting in front of the principal again!

The rest of my meetings were uneventful. I only missed 2 groups of kids in the midst of doing 5 meetings, so it was a productive day. I still have so much to do, kids to test and reports to write and no time to do it! Ahh. I came home brain dead yesterday!

Today at work I received an e-mail from the teacher who was in the meeting with me. She just wanted to let me know what a good job I did and that she realized how hard it must have been. Then she went on to say that she had been thinking about me the rest of that day/night. I almost cried reading it (hmmm, maybe I'm not so numb after all). I love nice people. I love people who acknowledge things like this and try to understand. If I remember correctly, I think she is the teacher whose husband died years ago. That explains a lot. If there is one thing that comes out of grief, it's being more compassionate to others.