Wednesday, February 16, 2011

The Good, the Bad, and Taxes

I have a lot to say today. Seems like the reminders just keep coming lately. But what else is new? I sighed less today, although there were many moments during free time at work where I just sat and stared off.

Tomorrow we have an IEP meeting for this little 2nd grader. He has the nicest mother, last year we would write back and forth in a little communication log so I would know what he had been doing and what to try to get him to talk about. So she knew I was pregnant and even bought me a baby gift. I was thinking that she did know what happened, but I wasn't sure. So I decided to ask the learning support teacher who runs his meeting if the mother knew. She wrote back saying that she did think the mother knew, but that she needed to call her about something else and if it was ok with me, she could talk to her about it so I wouldn't have to worry about it tomorrow. So sweet. Of course I said that was fine. She also said she was always there if I needed to talk. This teacher recently had a little boy in August. I wrote back telling her of how this week was difficult and of the whole neighbor situation. She wrote back saying she was sorry things were difficult lately and she completely understood me not wanting to see babies anytime soon. Then she said how much she loved Adelyn's name and would love to hear all about her someday. It almost made me cry. Seriously, something as simple as that can just really make my day. If only everyone was so sensitive......

I walked down to get my lunch and saw one of the school psychologists working at a computer. I joked with her about the high school keeping her busy this year. Typically, there is not much testing going on because all the kids are already identified. So she started talking and then says "yeah, well I want to get all this done before I'm all big and pregnant and don't want to do anything at all." There was another teacher standing there, who then said, "Oh, are you pregnant?" And the psychologist answers "Yep, it wasn't really planned so I'm just trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I am going to be somebody's mother." If you could have heard her tone of voice, it was like she was annoyed that she "accidentally" got pregnant and didn't really want this baby. I wanted to scream at her "Why would you say that in front of me? Don't you know how much I wanted MY baby?" But instead, I got all sentimental and started talking about how wonderful motherhood is and how everything would fall right into place and how you just don't know how much you can love someone until you have a child. Then I said I'd let her get back to work and walked away. On my walk back up to my room, I was so pissed but yet I was sort of smiling to myself. I guess I was proud of myself for being "the bigger person" and not saying something rude back to her. This person, mind you, is the same one that somehow did not see the bulletin that announced Adelyn's birth and death that is posted right by where we sign in and out for the day. One day back in December, she sent me an e-mail about a student and congratulated me on the new addition. Then someone told her and she felt awful, but I guess not awful enough to watch what she said around me.

Then, as I was signing out of the High school to drive over to the middle school for a meeting, I saw a new birth annoucement. Of course, another baby girl. Seriously, does anyone have boys??? I could scream. And the person who had the baby is not one of my favorite teachers. Every time I send out e-mails asking for input for a student's IEP, he NEVER responds. How rude. But his baby gets to live.

We had a speech department meeting later in the day, and it was nice to see all the other "speech people." Being a speech therapist in a world of teachers can get lonely, so I truly enjoy getting to spend time with these ladies, who "get it." However, I found myself staring off into space again and just thinking "I don't really care." Maybe I was thinking back to the last meeting that I went to back when I was still on my leave and I felt that same way? Who knows.

I left work about 45 minutes later than I am usually done, because I was talking. Of course, the neighbor with the baby was out again. I was annoyed. So I shut the blind right by the computer so I wouldn't have to see her while I checked my e-mail. One of the other moms brought Sierra over to me so I didn't have to go over there. We talked a little bit, I was trying to get advice on what to do about this neighbor. I can't sit in my house and wait for her to leave every day, but I just cannot bring myself to go over there. I remember back to very soon after Adelyn died, and the first mom I talked to who had been through a similar experience told me she had certain friends she could go to to talk about her baby. That is so true, and I am so thankful for those friends. It's strange that some of them are not who I expected them to be.

I was super tired tonight and did not feel like cooking. Thankfully, we had leftovers. Trevor retreated upstairs right after dinner and started working on our taxes. I was annoyed because I was just so tired, I wanted him to give me a few minutes and take care of Sierra. But he could not stop working on the taxes. Who knew that Adelyn would pop up on them? We can claim her, but I wasn't sure if we needed a social security number, which we do not have. We can get one, but what's the point? So we filled in her information but left out her social security number. Then this "special circumstance" prompt popped up:
You must enter a Social Security number unless Adelyn was a child who was born and died in 2010.
Select all of the following that apply.
Adelyn died in 2010.
Except for hospitalization, Adelyn lived with me during the time Adelyn was alive.
None of the above

So I checked the first two, and another alert popped up. It says that in the social security box, instead of the number since she does not have one, it would say "died." Nice. It said we cannot e-file and MUST send a copy of her birth certificate in with our taxes. Which means I must copy that dreaded thing with the big "deceased" stamp on it. Nice. As I said before, I am happy that the state at least acknowledges her existence. And that once we marked that she died, our refund went up a good chunk of change. Not exactly sure why......and even though I'd much rather have my baby, I guess a few extra dollars is better than nothing at all.

So, today brought some good, some bad, and reminders even in our taxes. Such is my life, if it's not one thing, it's another.


KnottedFingers said...

*super big hugs* Reminders are hard. I'm praying for you sweetie.

I'm glad you have someone who wants to hear about your Adelyn though

Zarah said...

It's good to have people who listen, I too found that some of the best listeners were the ones I least expected and am so grateful for them. We went through the exact thing with our taxes last night also, it sucks.

TanaLee Davis said...

I just dealt with similar things in my taxes. wouldn't you love to say thanks to the "man" in charge?
That lady that seems annoyed to be prego...get I don't know her but I'm just as mad as you are.
Having someone want to remember adelyn is nice. hugs to you-

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