Sunday, March 10, 2013

Growing Up

My baby is growing up and tonight I am just not ok with it.

It's hard, letting go.  And my goodness he is only 17 months old (today!) - but he is no longer a baby, he is definitely a toddler. It's going by way too fast.

There are so many reasons, so many factors involved, but I feel like I am taking him growing up so much harder than I did with Sierra.

One reason is, he is my last baby, so I know I will never get to experience all the wonders of babies and toddlers again.  This is a fun, adorable age right now, but it's the last time I get to experience it.  When Sierra was this age, I assumed I would get to do it again, and I was also very naive about life.

Another reason is, I went through so much to have Coen.  I did not bond with him at all until he was born, and I still feel guilty about that.  However, because of losing Adelyn and his emotionally difficult pregnancy, I definitely understood more how precious every moment is and cherished them way more than I did with Sierra.

Random reason....but I also feel like Coen growing up is harder because he is a boy.  How long is it going to be before he prefers doing boy stuff with daddy to me?  Then I see so many men - my own husband included - who rarely call their mothers.  I know that part is way in the future, but I do think about it.  It would break my heart if Coen treated me that way.

Some days, I still wonder if I was cut out to be the mom of a boy.  It's hard for me, in a lot of ways.  I worried before he was born, but turns out having a boy baby was no different than a girl baby, except you got peed on.  But as he gets bigger, it most certainly changes.  I worry that I won't be able to relate to him, like I do with Sierra.  She is just like me, so it's easy for me to understand her.  Boys are SO different!

I'm in a funky, sort of sad mood tonight.  I guess it's a good time to share a new picture of my handsome little guy, looking so grown up....


Melissa said...

He's adorable <3

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