In a Funk

I've been in a funk all weekend.  I hate funks!  Not sure what started it.  A lot of factors.

About 3 weeks ago, my allergies were so bad that I couldn't stop coughing. It was awful, felt like there was constantly something in my throat.  Well, there was.  Apparently, I coughed so hard and so much that I pulled a rib muscle.  OUCH!  You don't realize how much you move it until it hurts.  I could barely lay down, roll over, or get out of bed without a lot of pain.  Add in a 28 pound toddler and sitting in little kid chairs leaning in so I can hear a good R or L or S over the hand dryers in the bathroom next to my office and it hasn't been fun.  Then I took Advil, which made my stomach bloated and feel yucky.  One of my students even asked me if I was having a baby.  Yikes, and NO I am not.  I can't even exercise because it hurts!  Frustrated!

Then my birthday is Monday and thought maybe we can go have a nice dinner Saturday night.  Well, my husband won tickets to the Stanley Cup Playoffs from work, but had to go with someone from work or pay taxes on $800 worth of tickets.  So that idea was shot - you can't pass up hockey tickets!  My back was killing me, because I think I strained it trying to avoid using my rib muscles.  I had my  mom come over to help.  We were outside and a newer neighbor was out with her 1 week old little boy.  Seeing how tiny he was made me sad that I will never have one of those again.  We were talking about labor, she had him at the same hospital as I had Adelyn and Coen.  She uses the same ob/gyn group as me, and was saying she loved the doctor that I had and hoped she was the one who delivered but it wasn't.  I said how much I loved that doctor and wanted to say  more, and say why, but this neighbor didn't live here when Adelyn died and doesn't know about her and it just wasn't the time to tell the story.  It was late and I needed to get my kids in bed. So I felt like a fraud and very uncomfortable.  I said how I had Sierra at a different hospital and she asked what I thought compared to the other one.  It's so hard to compare because I feel like we got special treatment when I had Coen.  It was just an awkward conversation.  I later found out that Sierra said something about having a sister in heaven in front of that neighbor and according to my husband who was standing there she kind of gave Sierra a strange look.  So I guess I will have to have a conversation about Adelyn with her.

After we came in, we watched the Secret of the Wings for the 100th time.  My mom had never seen it so Sierra wanted to watch it with her.  It always reminds me of Sierra and Adelyn.  Sisters living in different worlds.  But it really hit me last night.  I was actually imagining Sierra and Adelyn being reunited in heaven one day.  At the same time, it made me sad that they aren't together now.

Today I sort of cured my funk by  having a mother daughter pedicure day.  I've wanted to do it for awhile, and as sad as I am that I don't get to do this with both my daughters, on the way  home I realized that I am just blessed to have one little girl to do these things with.