Shopping and September

Today I was searching on Etsy for a gift for my cousin's baby's baptism.  She is the first girl to be born in the family since Adelyn.  For some reason, I decided that since I don't have a baby girl to shop for, that I was going to shop for hers. 

Just last week, I was at the Carter's Outlet and saw all these adorable baby girl tutu skirts and outfits, and I wanted to buy them.  It makes me sad that Sierra is too old for them, and that I never got to buy them for Adelyn.  Maybe it's the fact that she would be too old for the baby stuff now also, or maybe it's just time and acceptance that I will never have another baby girl of my own to shop for - but it really surprised me that  I decided I wanted to shop for someone else's baby girl.  Don't get me wrong, it still hurts my heart some to see all that cute stuff that I can't use for my own daughters.  But it's a big step for me to want to buy it for someone else's baby, and not feel insanely jealous at the thought.  I think that pang of jealously will always hit when I think of someone else getting to keep their baby girl.

Anyway, at first I thought about going back to Carter's to pick something ultra cute and girly out, as soon as we got the baptism invite.  Then the idea of a hair bow holder came to me.  I love the one we got for Sierra, and it's not something people think to buy.  Plus, since they didn't know their baby was a girl, her room is neutral/boyish looking (as it belonged to her big brother first) and needs some "girly-ing" up. 

First stop for something like this - Etsy!  As soon as I typed in "hair bow headband holder" - on the very first page of results, this came up:

I think my heart skipped a beat, fell down into my stomach or something.  I know I had to catch my breath.  This is the first time I had ever seen her name on something, spelled the same way.

It was EXACTLY what I was looking for.  I know babies use the headbands more and so she would need to have a place to hang those, and I had wanted something with her name on it too.  To me this was a sign I should just order this one, with a few changes.  I'm having a hard time deciding, but I keep going back to this one.

Seeing her name like that, today - on September 1st, the first day of her month, was like a sign from her.  "Hey mom, don't forget about me, it's my birthday month."  As if I could ever!  I have been searching everywhere for a pink aster flower to plant in her garden, since the aster is September's birth flower.  Not easy to find, especially when you have no time to look!  I think I found it online, and it should ship mid September and arrive by Adelyn's birthday so we can plant it then.

Hard to believe in 28 days our girl would be turning 2, or that it's been two years since I heard her heartbeat or felt her move inside me.  I just miss her so much, and I miss so much of the person I used to be as well.  Love you, baby girl!