Anxious

I am feeling SO anxious today. I was so happy and relieved that the baby turned yesterday. Last night I had a hard time sleeping and I woke up and felt the baby moving a LOT. Which you would think would be relief that s/he is still alive and well in there. Instead it completely freaked me out and I could not fall back asleep. I just kept thinking that the baby was flipping back to breech again.

This morning I felt like the baby was still head down. But tonight as I sit here and type, my anxiety is SO high that the baby has indeed flipped back again. I had my regular doctor appointment today, things are great. The doctor was talking "options" with me - basically when to induce. I am just taking it one day at a time, as are the doctors. I think it sort of depends on my anxiety level, how ready my body appears, etc. I know one thing, I will not be induced before 38 weeks because that is Adelyn's birthday/birth month. Anyway, the doctor was talking about how once babies turn and especially this late, they usually don't turn back. Of course I had to throw my usual comment back at that, nicely of course because she meant well and was trying to make me relax - "Well I know that but me and statistics don't have a very good track record." She knew what I meant, I mean what are the chances of going through a normal labor and at the last second with no warning the baby dies? Has to be less than .1%, but it happened to me. She apologized, not that I thought she needed to, but it was nice of her.

I'm almost afraid to be relieved about the baby turning because I don't want to get my hopes up. There is nothing worse than having these great hopes that make you so excited, relieved, happy - only to have them come crashing down. I've been there and to me it's worse than never having those hopes in the first place. Had I never come so close and been so excited and hopeful about having another little girl, I would never be so sad about NOT getting to keep her here with me. If that makes sense.

Here's to a better night's sleep tonight. I have to make to until Tuesday when I get another ultrasound to know for sure. Yikes! Hmmm, 38 weeks is looking like a better option for induction........