7 months, a week late

Adelyn's 7 months in Heaven date was last Friday, April 29th. While in some ways, it was "just another day" despite the date being the 29th, in other ways I feel like I thought of her more on this month marker. I am not sure how that is possible. I was preoccupied the entire week preparing for Sierra's birthday party the following day, April 30th. Believe me, I went all out for her this year. My feeling was, why not? She is here on Earth with me, so why not give her something extra special? More on that later.

In the midst of last minute party details, decorating, making sure everything made it to the clubhouse where we had the party, I decided that I had to plant seeds TODAY, on her 7 months date. Roses always make me think of her, and I found some perennials called primroses that are pink and perfect. So I bought a mini greenhouse and planted seeds. And as it turned out, I was doing it at the exact time of day that she was born and died. I was very aware of the time for some reason, and kept looking at the clock. I actually saw it read 5:46, her time of birth, and continued planting seeds and checking the clock until it read 6:04, her time of death.

After I finished planting the seeds, I carried the greenhouse upstairs and put it in the nursery, the room that was Sierra's and was going to be Adelyn's. It now houses all the baby stuff, and the clothes are still hung in the closet as they were 7 months ago. But this night, I did something that has not been done since the day I came home from the hospital empty-handed and went in that room to gather things that could be returned. I opened the blind, and let sunshine in it. I put the greenhouse on the floor, so it could get some light but not direct sunlight as the directions stated. I still keep the door shut though. Baby steps.

I wish that instead of planting seeds, I was lugging a heavy 7 month old around as we planned for her big sister's birthday party. I had many times imagined what she would wear to this party, after we found out she was a girl. Should she match Sierra, or not since it was Sierra's day? I guess I never needed to know the answer to that question.

We love you more with each passing breath, sweet Adelyn. I still miss you more than words could ever express. Keep watching over us, baby girl.