Countdown

Life is so busy these days, I wonder how I manage to survive.  Some days it all gets so overwhelming, I wonder if I was really cut out to be a working mother with two kids to care for.

I'm busy at work, I'm busy at home.  I feel like I have unfinished things laying around everywhere and I can't stand it.  But, that's just how it has to be right now.

I'm starting a countdown until summer.  I think we have 27 days of school left.  I can NOT wait to be home with my kids.  It isn't easy by any means to be with your kids all the time, they try your patience and it is a lot of work to keep them entertained.  Personally though, I am MUCH more relaxed, happier, and feel 100% less guilty when I am home with my kids.  I feel like I can spend quality time with them, because right now I feel like all I get is maybe 30 minutes of quality time a day.  The rest is trying to get them ready to leave in the morning, trying to get them to leave the baby-sitter's house after work, occupying them while I cook dinner, feeding Coen, giving baths, brushing teeth, packing lunches, doing dishes.......very little time for fun.  I really hate it.  There just aren't enough hours in the day.  In order to get a little bit of me time, I stay up later than I should, so I am always tired. 

I feel like there is always that "battle" between working moms and stay at home moms - which is harder?  I sort of have some of both worlds, and I will say that they are both hard in completely different ways.  There are pros and cons to both worlds. 

When you stay at home, you give up your career, if you had one before kids.  You don't get the adult interaction as much, you have less income, you don't get many breaks from your kids.  But on the plus side, instead of sitting in a building, you get to be outside if it's nice, you can take your kids somewhere fun if you want, you can grocery shop without the crowds, you can clean your house so that on weekends, you can actually do something as a family.  You don't have to miss anything your kids do, you don't have to worry about someone else doing things differently than you would do.

On the other hand, when you work, you miss out on SO much.  I didn't see Coen roll over for the first time, I wasn't the one to put him in the baby swing on a swingset for the first time, I very well may miss when he crawls for the first time.  I missed Sierra's real birthday celebration with cupcakes she made for her friends, because I was at work.  On weekends, you are often so busy catching up on things like laundry and cleaning and grocery shopping that you don't have time or energy for after working a full day, that you don't have time to go out.  Or if you do, you get behind and it causes more stress.  When you work, you are pulled in one more direction - in addition to kids, husband, housework, friends, you have a second full time job to do.  The positives of working?  More money I suppose, however I kid you not half of my monthly salary goes to the baby-sitter.  I have made lots of friends from working, I get to use my brain, I get out of the house and a break from my kids.  I feel better because I contribute financially to the family.  Relying on someone else completely would be hard for me.

I tend to feel like it's harder to be a working mom during the school year and find myself a bit jealous of those who don't have to work.  Then summer rolls around and I find myself defending stay at home moms, especially on a rough day.  I guess what it really comes down to, is doing what makes you happy.  For some moms, that is working outside the house.  For others, it is budgeting so they can stay home.  Some of us don't have a choice.  I have to work, and sometimes I am glad because if I had a choice, it would be super difficult to give up a career that I love.  But if I chose to continue w orking, I would feel guilty.  I think the best case for me would be part-time work with summers off.  Just enough to use my degree, get out of the house and be around adults, but not so much work that I have no time to enjoy my kids. 

And so, 27 more school days until I get a break.  I can't wait to spend my days changing diapers, cleaning spit up, doing dishes....and going to the pool and having playdates and hopefully catching up on some sleep, reading and scrapbooking!  Some days I really struggle with working full time, it is so hard.  I hope that any moms who are able to stay home with their kids realize how truly blessed they are to not miss a thing.  I am thankful that I at least get to do that 3 months a year, because I am not sure I would survive without that break.  I also want to say that I think moms who work year round are my heroes!  Doing this crazy routine 365 days per year with no break would be SO hard.

And that post went in a completely different direction than I thought I did.  I have just been thinking about the whole working mom thing a lot lately because I am SO busy at work and SO stressed that I wish I could just walk away!  27  more  days....