Holiday Season Guilt

So it's well in to the holiday season and I'm feeling guilty.  Adelyn's tree is one of my favorite decorations, yet I haven't finished it yet.  It's up, and I turn it on, but barely half the ornaments are on it yet.  What is wrong with me?

I am just so busy, and we've all been sick.  I think Coen is finally on the mend, he went back for his check up Wednesday and no more wheezing and his ears seemed to be clearing per the dr.  I was annoyed at the appointment, because they weighed him and according to their charts, he gained 2 pounds in 5 days?  No one noticed until I brought it up, then the dr. was just like "oh yeah they probably weighed him wrong."  Didn't offer to reweigh or anything.  So now when he goes back it will look like he lost weight.  And since he was well enough he finally got his 12 month shots.  Poor baby has been through so much.....and let's add a reaction to the shot to the mix.  He got a huge welt and red mark on his arm.  I feel SO bad.  I hate shots.  It must hurt, and I feel guilty I did that to him.

I did manage to get Christmas pictures and they turned out cute.  I just ordered my cards there, I figued there was no way I could get the kids to cooperate to take my own pictures.  I tried to take a matching PJs picture in front of the tree after we got it up last weekend, and I was glad I just ordered the cards.

My problem with ordering the cards, is that Adelyn is not represented in them at all.  I try to include her in a subtle way, so as not to make anyone uncomfortable or take away the joy of the season and the happiness we feel for our two living kids.   I've just been so rushed in all aspects of life that I hadn't put much thought into it.  Perhaps an ornament with her name on it would have been a nice idea to put in the pictures (remember that for next year please!).  If I took my own pictures, I would probably either include Adelyn bear or her pink tree in the pictures.  Or, even do a collage style and put her butterfly footprints as one of the pictures.  Last year I included the words "faith hope love" which remind me of her, and each of my kids.  I saw a card somewhere that had those words and I wish I could have used it.

So I started feeling very guilty and needed to find a way to include her.  I started with a label to put on the back of the card, with her footprints and a small quote.  Then it printed off the labels and I decided people may not look at the back of the card.  So I went out and bought clear labels and printed her footprint to stick on the card by our names.  But it doesn't show up well on the card and I didn't like it.  Frustrating!  I settled on printing her butterfly footprint on a white label after all, cutting it out and sticking it in the top corner, since she watches over us.  I like it.  Next year I will do better though.

I was sitting here cutting the excess white off the footprints and sticking it to 40 some cards.  The things we do for our children.  Adelyn, I hope you are watching - I am doing this for me and for you, to be sure you are not forgotten.  I miss you, and have been thinking a lot about what we would be buying for you this year.  At 2 years old, Sierra was into dolls and Dora.  Instead I am buying balls and trucks.....my how life can turn out so different than what you expected.