Give Me Strength

I'm just having one of those moments, days, weeks maybe even, where I just need the strength to get by, to just do the minimum. I hate doing the minimum - I want to be the best mom I can be, the best wife I can be, the speech therapist I can be, etc. I don't want to just do what I have to. Right now, though, it's all I can do. So I guess in some ways, that is doing the best I can do. I must keep telling myself that.

I've just been feeling so, so sad this week. I'm back to crying every day, reliving the whole experience, thinking about it constantly. And lately when I do think about it/relive it, the pain hurts as much as it did that first day. I know that this will come and go, that's how this ugly thing called grief works. But that doesn't make it any easier to deal with it when it does show its ugly face.

And then there is the constant tiredness. I have no energy. I'm tired ALL the time. I know my job takes a lot of energy - you have to be up and lively for the kids. I know I need to stop going on the computer so much and get to bed. But I can't. I need to write in my blog, I need to read others' blogs or posts on Daily Strength. Because those things make me feel less alone, make me realize how I am feeling is normal considering what I've been through.

So, give me strength to make it through tomorrow. It is our family Christmas party. I saw most of our extended family at the funeral, but still. I know people are going to be asking lots of questions - because they care and are curious - and I'm not sure I have the strength to talk about it. Usually I like talking about it to anyone who will listen. I'm just feeling so sad tonight. Maybe a good night sleep and a new day will put me in a better place tomorrow.